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AN EVENING AT THE BEACH

Setting sun cast its golden rays
Upon the sprawling coconut beach
Rolling living screen of events
Reflected the travails in glassy sea
Days of ripples in spiral modulation
Of fleeting fanciful images evoking
Compulsive contemplative inducement
A mood desperately looking for answers
To the pertinent question of providence
Through the ages by the man of desire

Where do we come from?
Why are we here?
Where do we go from here?

Insects and mosquito bites
Agonizing nuisance of distraction
Like in real world which we live
Those luring attractions of the tempter
Formed the low clouds in my accent
As I raised my consciousness
To enter into the cathedral of the soul
With a solemn petition for assistance
Against all negative influences
In a subliminal council of solace

The experience of a mystical union
Made these questions to disappear
In the aloneness of spiritual oneness

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like this quite a bit.
The title is OK, not rivetting or eye-catching, but OK.
I always enjoy how you use language, your cadence and word-use are unique to you, and I enjoy it a great deal. One thing though, I think that you are using too many definite articles ("the"s) in the first stanza. Compare the first and last stanzas; the latter flows much better, to me.

should "classey" be "glassey", in the first stanza?

The theme is good; a little overworked, lots of folks use it, but you've done it justice. Beginning and ending are both good, and yes, you keep on track to a nice conclusion.

Good piece of poetry, T, I enjoyed it, tjhanks.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Thank you for the corrections. I am glad you like the piece. I tried to depict a meditative mood by capturing a common sight, seeing people sit by the the sea alone. Best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

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