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Senyus / Haikus

Senyu

Hurdlers scurry treetops
Stowing wintertime supply
two squirrels gather nuts
______________________
Haiku

Behind rain, lighting
Bright, reddish, stormy heavens
Awe an orange sun sets
_________________________
Haiku

Hung above snow clouds
Amidst rain, thunder, lighting
A rainbow paints skies
________________________
Senyu

Birds glide south, to rest
From strain, of winter famine
Depart, vacant nest

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

a good haiku/senryu (i could never figure out the difference) which created the picture for me,,,nice and smooth...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks ive been writing haiku for a while
I learn how to write and know the difference right here at neo
Never heard of either before neo

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Haiku/senryu don't have titles! they are the purist minimalism of poetry.

A couple of suggestions

Behind the rainstorm
Bright ruddy skies and dark clouds
the sun sets [eliminate the inessential to create an evocative ending]

Hung above snow clouds
Amidst rain, thunder, lighting
A rainbow paints westerns skies [sorry but horrible cliche, again, eliminate the inessential to create an evocative ending]
Western skies
or
oh, a rainbow

Just suggestions, I don't mean you to use my wording. In haiku less is always more.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Thanks for the suggestions

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

thanks again for the suggestions. I been to a convention all weekend and now can focus on your suggestion. having your input is always nice

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

my lady,

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

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