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IN THE GREAT HALL
I wandered to the portals of a great hall
On the entrance arc, was carved an inscription
Depicting courage, fame, noble actions, all
Boldly written, a two line axiom of perfection
‘Peak of physical expression is in beauty’
A revolving reflective door appeared
‘The intellect expresses self in poetic bounty’
And the shadows of misguided self disappeared
The self I saw, of beauty and poetry, I had neither
I think in one language and write in another
Mother tongue doesn’t help my English either
Of iambic, rhythm and rhyme, why should I bother?
I want to say as it is, in the great hall of fame
And the echoes of truth will carry my name
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Inspired by an article in an old manuscript, It reads:, AXIOMS OF PERFECTION, In the physical order – In the realization of the dream of beauty, In the moral order – In the realization of the dream of love, In the intellectual order – In the realization of dream of poetry, In the spiritual order – In the realization of the dream of the mystics
Comments
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2011-06-29 00:48
T
wonderful wonderful I really enjoyed this poem
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
t. reflexion
Wed, 2011-06-29 06:59
Thank you Barbara...
for the time and for the comments. I will join the splash pool workshop, best wishes.
tr
A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light
author commentBarbara Writes
Wed, 2011-06-29 12:21
Tr
Looking forward to splashing with you
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
t. reflexion
Fri, 2011-07-01 04:37
Ian.T
Thank you. I will continue to write the way I see things and the best way my ability can carry. Best wishes.
tr
A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light
author comment