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My Love is Like The Cereus

Submitted by The Rain Sprite on Wed, 2011-05-18 23:19

My love for you is like a night blooming Cereus -

Beautiful, rare and ephemeral.

It blooms once in a lifetime while bearing the meaning of farewell.

Though Cereus is a fleeting flower, once it blooms under the moonlight,

it glows towards heaven.

But if you cannot fathom the reason of its existence in my heart,

I will simply entwine my fingers near my heart and beg for "one
more chance"....

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I just got Cereus and Flowers in the Sky from my Facebook notes...I think these two are the last "love" poems I've written...most of my poems now are about dark, hatred, betrayal and lies...After all...negativity, cynicism, and pessimism are my best themes and so far, that's where I am good at
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2011-05-19 08:28

Nordic cloud's picture

"once it blooms under the moonlight," ...you could say 'flowers' to avoid saying blooms twice?

Oh no now I see flower just before, but once it reaches its climax, oh I don't know but you see what I mean; and ina poem so short repetition is not so good. Perhaps it cold even be made into a kind of haiku-like poem and be very special.

"reason of its existence in my heart,"...the reason FOR its existence...

"I will simply entwine my fingers near my heart " ... is this some meaning that escapes me?

"that's where I am good at"...that's WHAT I am...

The first two lines are fine, I like them,
then I also like the farewell...what I mean is that the sentiments in this poem are good but there's just something that is needed to make it really good.

Sorry if I muddled you Gardenia (Flower) love from Ann of Norway.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

The Rain Sprite

Mon, 2011-05-23 21:24

The Rain Sprite's picture

Thank you for the suggestions and everything else :P The repetitions were made intentionally. I used blooms instead of flower because it is a verb that signifies a growing love (like the Cereus). Cereus in some lines are of different meaning. First, I compare my love with a flower, second, the flower itself became the kind of love that is fleeting. ...Simply entwine my fingers near my heart...Well it means...praying for a chance.

I kind of fell in-love with the Cereus flower because it means "one more chance". And while writing the poem, I just let my emotions go with the flow (Having a hard time dealing with a broken-heart) so...the overall concept of the poem is "a love that begs for one more chance"...talk about being helpless when it comes to love ^_^ But NO MORE LOVE POEMS for me...it feels like I am making my life worst because of love stuffs!

I was thinking of changing my name but I love Gardenia...because it is a flower that blooms in the rain and that's what I am...

Thanks ^_^

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

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