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Sonnet on The Man
(little opening poem):
"A story joyful striking none as cold
needst never find its heroes fierce and bold.
'Tis fortunate such myths seldom unfold
and thence, as luck will grant, my tale's still told."
O, that the child was ne’er conceived at all
nor yet excessive tell his birthing cries
cast not of God, but else God’s nearest ties.
Without he live, none founder ‘neath the pall.
Mankind in bliss and ne’er to ween the crawl,
despairing of lost joy, lamentful sighs
of liberty so failed no hopes disguise
the base unyielding curse of his enthrall.
White Gods of Hell in lapse for he did come!
Pale traitors felled betraying Dire Prince
held bleak aloft in dark the faltered chain.
Hope winnowed from despair as man succumb.
A Doom lain cold, hard met nor lighter since
and Blight at Ends Of All shall be his reign.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This is the sonnet that precedes my epic poem "Çaço, Man of the Morning Star". Hello Rula. I tried to beat you here and delete the previous "notes" that are now no longer relevant. I have added the little poem that I always print on the first page of any "printed" version of the poem proper. It is sort of a little joke. I hope you get it.
It is written in quotation marks quite deliberately, but you will have to read through canto 48 to find out who I am quoting.
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
Southern California
Favorite Poets
Tolkien, Byron, Longfellow, Shakespeare, Dr. Suess, Elizabeth Browning, Robert Browning, Dickinson
Comments
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2011-05-31 22:58
Wesley
This is a good introduction, but as you say I need the fill to completly understand. So we shall see what comes if epic or not.
I like the way you structured the sonnet, the last two stanza's standing by themselves yat holding the rest of it in tacked. the last word of each of the two last stanza is a great idea. I hope that the epic lives up to this sonnet.
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Pamela A. Lamppa
Wed, 2011-06-01 03:08
Indeed a teaser
Since this sonnet prefaces your soon to come epic, there may be a reason why it is written similar to the claissc writings of long past bards. They wrote with the language of the day and my heart says that we should too. But, this old world style may be intentional to preface the coming tale. So, I am torn.
abba abba cde cde
Rhyme scheme of an Italian Sonnet but instead of an octave and sestet you have two quatrains and two triplets. I am not certain if this pattern has a name but I like this variation.
So doomed to despair as is the hearfelt definition of oppression. You pull us curiously to the tale to come. Indeed a teaser and aptly written as such. Quite clever.
~Pamela
.. .
~"It's ALL about the Poetry~
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wesley snow
Wed, 2011-06-01 11:08
You make an old poet's hard beat harder
Thank you all.
Pamela, this was my first and to date only sonnet (I don't know why I've not attempted another). The rules I followed were to be Petrarchan and given to me by old Clement Wood. To you and Kaligantsaros let me say that the pseudo medieval feel to the language IS quite intentional and the epic holds to this though not so rigidly. It was my intention to write a "hip" (for lack of a better term) story with just enough of the faux language to color the page. Keeping a sort of low buzz of this language throughout allows me to slip into some heavy duty flourish without it coming out of left field yet giving me a more relaxed tone to remain in through what is admittedly a long read. I am now in the Blog forum and I'm anxious (eager, fretful, you get the picture) to see you there.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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author commentloved
Wed, 2011-06-01 12:33
if you accept myfrank advice then read this ormessage me to
quickly delete it..........................READ URPRELUDE ATYOUR REQUEST
If you accept my frank advice, then read this or messages me to QUICKLY delete it
In today's world, I have visited many sites, once I wrote warm ones and had been read by as many as 40000 thousand , believe me. As sex only sells Hardly anyone reads me here.
The bard is being read four hundred years since, but be not disheartened, your epic will begin a round of applause, you so hopefully hope… I told you before and now once more, poetry is no more a living art,......Except for those who think the world of poetic language they alone own.
Make no mistake in reading this
Anti-thesis…
Before reading your epic.
Hopefully some may,
MY best of wishes to you
Snow
ONLY FOLKS, where it snows
May read you so…
Once again hopefully too.
Awaiting your further instructions.
to delete this toooo
loved
scribbler
Wed, 2011-06-01 15:53
hi Wesley
I tried a sonnet once and got busted for having wrong syllable count lol.. If you want a lot of serious feed back on your coming epic i would advise you not to post too much of it at a time. A smaller segment will likely be read by more people and would also be easier to analyze and comment on. Just what I hope is a helpful suggestion............stan
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-06-06 20:41
Not much to add on the above comments.
It does the job. I'm heading straight to Canto one
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
magics02
Wed, 2011-10-05 12:09
Printing out
This is one Ms Mona will take to the sunny porch and mull over it line by line and come back later with a better reflection and comment to it.
Smiles from miles
Me:)
wesley snow
Wed, 2011-10-05 12:42
You will not understand it.
It is a teaser for the larger tale. wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2013-06-10 11:24
don't worry,
mona magics would get confused if you suggested 1 + 1 = 2
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
magics02
Wed, 2011-10-05 15:28
wrong you are Wes
I so did understand it and will comment later. Fooled me not hardly lol
weirdelf
Mon, 2013-06-10 11:28
my mistake
I thought you believed in an interventionist god so you would pray for survivors of disasters rather than ask him to stop them happening. 1 +1 =3
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Frenchf
Fri, 2013-03-15 15:18
Are sonnets?
Usually 14 lines or do they fulfill certain other criteria? Eg what syllable count?
wesley snow
Fri, 2013-03-15 19:09
You can get this elsewhere, but...
there are likely around thirty or so "different" types of sonnets, but generally only Petrarchan and Shakespearean are considered "sonnets" with a small minority adding Specerian.
They are both fourteen lines long with varying separations between the octets and sextets. They are written in iambic pentameter.
Mine is nothing more or less than a teaser to the larger story and a fair example of Petrachan form.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
author commentRula
Mon, 2013-06-10 11:19
An interesting opening Sir!
I can't wait to start reading your epic in its new dress . I shall wait you to link me to which I would start.
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