Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
(first poem) Endless Time
"Endless Time"
Freedom searching where to stay
Love wanting, soon to stray.
Everywhere they put you down
Life unfolding, this I've found.
Tareing, smearing, haunting 'til
Yet far away, it's there so still
Never stopping endless way
Beseeching wind, calling prey.
Yes I see I hear so well
wander far, this go still
Passing running eternity lie
On it goes never die
Persued with anger hiding be
On still chasing just to be free.
Time sonsuming, in my heart I'm there
On still further I must dare.
Pressed by time pushed by 'morrow
With the dawn goes all my sorrow
Intensified, grasping, crushing,
Soon ending, this be rushing.
Throbbing pain lessened to aching
Alone and hurt, haterid making
Now remorse takes place of sorrrow
As for me; there's no tomorrow.
Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2017-06-24 11:32
Not free-form...
but good rhyming! Sounds like a lot of hurt there. The only critique I can offer, is the spelling of some of the words. Even so, they are recognizable and the misspelling does nothing to hurt the flow.
I like the intensity and the rhythm keeps it going. ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Sat, 2017-06-24 14:53
thanks Sir Gee,
how would this poem be classified as? (I didn't know for sure) I left those words misspelled for the sake of honesty. I could also use help on the punctuation. I can't believe how young and angry I was back then! I think some of the lines could use rewriting, too. your review was very kind to me.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
jane210660
Sat, 2017-06-24 14:36
Flows well
Actually for a 14 year old, I think it's good.
If I look at your work now, have to say, you've moved on a bit. Lol.
Take for instance your last poem published on site - visions in the fire. Still rhymes, but the rhyme isn't forced. Whereas here, I think it is in places. You use techniques now, to create effect. But although this is raw, it's a blooming good starting point.
Don't chuck it out. Keep it.
Jxx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
Candlewitch
Sat, 2017-06-24 14:58
lol
okay Jane, I'll keep it on your say so, lol! this poem has me a little red-faced. I feel like I really put myself out there. thanks for your insights into my growth I really appreciate that :)
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
jane210660
Sun, 2017-06-25 06:24
I know the feeling
I felt just the same putting my own first poem out there.
Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
Candlewitch
Sun, 2017-06-25 09:43
sweet Jane...
I knew I liked you right from the start ;)
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
wesley snow
Sat, 2017-06-24 18:24
It's not Shakespeare,
but for fourteen it's pretty damn good. Of course you shouldn't chuck it. It's your history and still part of your body of work.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Candlewitch
Sun, 2017-06-25 09:48
thank you Wes,
for putting me in proper perspective. you are kind. thank you for your opinion, it is appreciated.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Candlewitch
Sun, 2017-06-25 17:21
thank you, Mark,
for your generous comment :) do you still have that Haiku? thirty years later and your poetry is outstandingly amazing!
hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Sun, 2017-06-25 18:00
Hi Cat
I wonder how many new poets these days write their first poem in rhyme? I enjoyed it a part of the pleasure was looking into the past.......stan
Candlewitch
Mon, 2017-06-26 10:27
dear Stan,
it is always a pleasure to hear from you. your comments are supportive and helpful.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
weirdelf
Mon, 2017-07-03 05:28
It's flawed, not crap.
I just had to do a reading to show you one of the most important things.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s08XsxiQt734
Even in this early poem you had 'the ear'. It scans beautifully, it sounds like poetry.
I've seen a lot worse by older more experience poets.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Fri, 2017-07-14 13:11
eek, that reading was aweful, sorry Cat
Here's a better one you can repost if you choose
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/endless-time-by-candlewitch
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry