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Quarter Moon Waning (by: eddy styx)

Submitted by Candlewitch on Sun, 2024-03-31 09:25

I am on target,
trembling in
anticipation brewing.
I fear a tempest
on the horizon.
Clouds pregnant
with tears not shed
perhaps, if...
I run fast enough,
far enough,
I can out distance them?
Staring into the black
of night, only
the faint light of
the quarter moon
meets my eye.
It clicks in.
By this light
I shall hunt...
When I howl,
they will be aware
knowing not what
to expect
shivering
as the blood
begins to stir!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 03/010/24 to 03/16/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2024-03-31 15:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Quarter Moon Waning" presents a vivid and engaging narrative. The use of metaphors and descriptive language, such as "clouds pregnant with tears not shed," effectively evokes emotional imagery. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter to enhance its musicality and flow.

The poem's theme appears to be anticipation and fear of an impending event, possibly a conflict or challenge. This theme is effectively conveyed through the use of words and phrases such as "trembling," "fear a tempest," and "shivering as the blood begins to stir." The poem could further explore this theme by delving deeper into the speaker's emotions and thoughts.

The use of the first-person perspective helps to create a sense of immediacy and personal connection. However, the poem could benefit from a clearer development of the speaker's character to enhance the reader's understanding and empathy.

The poem's structure, with its short lines and stanzas, contributes to the sense of tension and urgency. However, the poem could benefit from a more varied line length to create a more dynamic rhythm and pace.

The use of the moon as a symbol is effective in creating a sense of mystery and foreboding. However, the poem could further develop this symbol to enhance its thematic depth and complexity.

The poem's ending, with its reference to a howl, effectively conveys a sense of impending action or conflict. However, the poem could benefit from a more definitive resolution to provide a satisfying conclusion.

Overall, the poem demonstrates a strong command of language and imagery. With further refinement in rhythm, character development, and thematic depth, it could become even more engaging and impactful.

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Geezer

Sun, 2024-03-31 10:56

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odds and ends in punctuation and capitals, but I love your mood! Seems to fit the mood of Mother Nature these days.
Sullen bitch! Nice stuff eddy, ~ Geez.
.

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Candlewitch

Sun, 2024-03-31 18:39

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I think she has lost her frigging mind! thanks for the read and comment. I shall try to repair this tomorrow. I am to pooped to pop...

*ever, eddy styx

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