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Authenticity

Submitted by alidzain on Mon, 2016-11-28 13:49

Where lies
the authenticity of promises
in the absence of action?

I see the dirt in politics,
forming a cycle.
Strong words are mere tactics
in a struggle or power.

Candidates resemble actors on stage.
Their scripts filled with lines
we wish to hear
but mixed with truth and lies
that tend to play with our fears

Yet how many times have we seen,
problems repeating after the election
and the leader who seemed so keen,
fail to keep his word to his nation?

It makes me wonder
if we can still find a leader
whose heart is pure,
uncorrupted by the hunger
for power

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

alidzain

Mon, 2016-11-28 18:43

alidzain's picture

Understand this. Sometimes, it is hard for one whose English is NOT his native tongue to find the words to say what he wanted to say. So, be patient. Admittedly, I do struggle trying to finish this poem abit and was searching for a way to do it. Now that I have edited it, tell me if there are ways which I can improve. Offer suggestions. I'm here to learn.

Alid

author comment

valene

Mon, 2016-11-28 17:12

This could be a good beginning but now I suggest you explore where it might take you. I agree that promises don't mean a thing if there's no follow through, so that could be a good way to continue your thoughts.

valene

alidzain

Mon, 2016-11-28 18:46

alidzain's picture

Thanks for the encouraging words. I've finally completed it. Now can you offer me suggestions or improvements?

Alid

author comment

valene

Tue, 2016-11-29 12:59

Hi Alid, i'm glad you finished this. I get what you're saying and your words ring true!
When it come to writing free verse...well let's just say 'tis not my specialty but I do have a couple thoughts:
Last line 2nd verse: I'd change to 'In a struggle for power.'

3rd verse and it's strictly a thought:
Candidates resemble actors on stage
Their scripts filled with lines
We wish to hear
But mixed with truth and lies
That tend to play with our fears

I truly like your final verse....it's sad but so true!

valene

alidzain

Tue, 2016-11-29 16:43

alidzain's picture

Thank you so much for the help!

Alid

author comment

valene

Tue, 2016-11-29 17:35

Wow, Singapore! I've heard wonderful things about your country. My ex husband was there years ago and raved. I'm impressed that you write poetry in both languages. I know English can be very confusing even for those of us who've spoken it all our lives....LOL! If my suggestions helped, I'm truly happy! As I said, when it comes to writing in free verse, it's not something I'm comfortable doing and envy those who can. I'll give it a shot every now and then though.
Anyhow, 'tis nice to meet you, and as for your thoughts on politics, I believe we definitely have something in common!

Best wishes,

val

alidzain

Tue, 2016-11-29 19:11

alidzain's picture

it's nice to meet you too.

Alid

author comment
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