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As you Grow

The valley grew silent; amid darkened soil
Just under the surface complete turmoil
pushing aside waste of times gone by
a blade shaped leaf for you and I

The green sword darkened, piercing the day
it feared not to spoil the coal dust decay
to show the world how wrong they had been
It sent a perfect stem through shards of green

A growth so strong with buds more than three
A reminder of you, and your white purity
For us to see, then for us to show
This flower so pure for us grow

The bells rang true, for us all to see
the flower the love of you and me
in beauty for all time; it would be
our own, Lily of the Valley

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This is an older one revamped as Spring is coming
Editing stage: 

Comments

I have used a few of your edits, now can I talk about some others of mine about 2000 or more that need some attention lol.
I didn't use the Fleur at the end as the main point was that beautiful flower they call Lilly of the Valley as it is described in some of the lines against the starkness of the coal tips. Your Fleur is Three Feathers ??
Though this was written for an infatuation of ???
Thanks very much for your assist on this one, Yours Spuggy

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

you calim to be too old to learn, but you clearly do,
That said, I didn't like this poem much, it felt a bit sentimental.

Well, good writing, my own opinion on content, you win.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Yes this one is a bit soppy but an old guy like me must have some silly moments.
Of course I learn from you and all the ones that comment on all the poetry here, it is an ongoing thing, the main problem I have is as you know correct form.
I do try as best I can in my limited knowledge, but I have learnt so much from everyone, and that is one of the objectives of this great site.
You take care young Jess, and know we think of you, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

and don't want to crit anything for i am so proud of the work you have done with your meter

and sentimental or not, it is emotive and that's what counts in poetry

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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