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WOUNDS updated

Submitted by Geremia on Wed, 2012-05-23 18:27

WOUNDS

My wounds bleed
hard and deep
My heart is blind
to its own light
and my soul seeks peace
fleeing far from itself
into distant places
Let the madness come
and all knowing be done !

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Tue, 2012-05-29 21:03

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Since you posted a short poem, my suggestions will shorten it even more lol try deleting far from line 6 and leaving out last line entirely. If these help, good. If not, won't be the first time..........stan

Geremia

Wed, 2012-05-30 00:43

Geremia's picture

Thanks Stan.Last 2 lines essential; however, I made slight change.

Thanks,

joe

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scribbler

Wed, 2012-05-30 08:42

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I'm sometime a bit unsure of the intent that a writer is wanting to convey. So I then comment on structure instead. So of course I often get things wrong so it's only right when such is pointedout to me.............stan

Geremia

Wed, 2012-05-30 09:18

Geremia's picture

Stan, I appreciate any feedback from you.

Joe

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