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Winter's Plight Is Spring's Delight (February Contest)

Submitted by LittleGift on Tue, 2020-02-11 07:58

Storms beat like a restless drum
Forcing leaves on fragile stems
To bend and send our feathered friends
to fear the worst when gales impend,
to reel, deal a force of steel.
which hurls, its whirls a frigid feel.

Its harsh, unforgiving bite
The final stance of winter's plight.
Before it’s sudden bid adieu,
Spring leaps in to spell anew.

Its spritely enigmatic charm
A tender touch
Can do no harm.

Beguiling nature to its grace,
Its fruitful loving warm embrace.
Whilst colours bloom
A wondrous sight
As nature basks in spring's delight.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
I have tried to write something for the Spring contest. I apologise in advance for any sloppiness and thank you for taking time to read it LG
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
FEBRUARY CONTEST

Comments

Gracy

Tue, 2020-02-11 10:30

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Hi LittleGift, your poem is so colorful as well as musical. I see little to crit, just maybe some punctuation. I think it should be "spring's" as well as "winter's plight". In L2 I would remove the comma after bend. Also after friends.
In S2, L2 you don't need "and", I think. Also no comma after charm, in L4. It seems to me you don't need a comma after "sight". Otherwise, this poem is a winner, so deftly crafted and spot on the topic of early Spring. Congrats!

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

LittleGift

Tue, 2020-02-11 10:44

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Gracy, thank you so much for helping me. I think I managed to edit it as you said. Thanks for the support and kind words. I feel I have much to learn but I am loving it

Many thanks
LG

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LittleGift

Tue, 2020-02-11 13:28

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Yay thank you Alan, I will work on those fixes shortly. Thanks for reading and the helpful advise. Always appreciated

Kindest regards

LG :)

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Geezer

Tue, 2020-02-11 13:47

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to stop by and let you know that this is really good! I see that you have all the critique you need, so I'm not going to offer any more. Nice stuff! ~ Geezer.
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LittleGift

Tue, 2020-02-11 14:13

LittleGift's picture

Thank you for being so nice and leaving me such lovely feedback. Will edit it shortly. Many thanks for reading it for me

Kind regards

LG

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c lynn brooks

Tue, 2020-02-11 15:13

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the only suggestion I might make is there are to many "ands" in this write other than that it was delightful to read

Chrys

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LittleGift

Tue, 2020-02-11 17:34

LittleGift's picture

Hello, so I edited, making the changes advised. I attempted to remove the ands. I ended up with just one and in the piece. I hope I have done things right. Please feel free to let me know if I haven't

Kind regards and thanks so much

LG

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LittleGift

Tue, 2020-02-11 16:57

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Thanks so much for the help. I am going to work on improving it. It's been great getting constructive feedback

Kind regards

LG

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LittleGift

Tue, 2020-02-11 17:35

LittleGift's picture

Thanks so much for the help. I am going to work on improving it. It's been great getting constructive feedback

Kind regards

LG

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