Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

When Fire Flares (Metaphor Workshop)

There's nothing like sitting next to a campfire
or before an elegant fireplace
to watch the flames freely dance
with a burning desire to warm the space.

With torrid colors; those born from red,
with reddish orange, and purple blue
more warm cometh forth in a perfect instance
to fill the place with an adorable hue.

Though they're weightless-those blazing flames,
and regardless of what might cost their burn,
they'd quench the cold once been in the place
and demolish it all with the utmost pain.

Editing stage: 

Comments

three things
1. the general out look of "the fire flames"
2. the color and
3. the purpose

Please help with whatever areas I can extend my piece with many thanks for your thoughts.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

The theme is lovely, i am sure you would be working more for a smoother flow

raj (sublime_ocean)

yes of course. That was a very rough draft.
Thank you for your kind, invaluable visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

for a smoother flow, I hope. What do you think friends?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Rula the edits have certainly lifted the poem and made it smoother on the tongue that before. I am risking being proved wrong in making the following suggestions, so if they are not right, just ignore them:-

1. Standing "behind" a fire place may not be possible from what little I know of fire places being in a tropical country. You may want to change to "In front" or "before"
2. you have begun 2 verses with "and". I feel even without them could be good.

Just friendly suggestions

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I'll return. Gotta go strike a jury. But I'll begin by saying if one sits behind a fireplace all you'll see is warm bricks. You likely mean Before it.........stan

Ah, but then what is fore and what is hind?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Ok,line 3...deliberate dance; I'm a bit put off by this. You might mean deliberate in that the flame's plan is to consume the fuel. But "dance" implies motion and the motion of fire is anything but deliberate or planned.
First line of last stanza, I think you should delete "are"
next to last line is a bit unclear and jumbled to me.
But I know these have little to do with simile and metaphor. And I assume this is the poem which is supposed to lack both. The only thing which might come close to being either is dancing flames........stan

for both, your patience and the invaluable feedback. Hope it is a smoother read now.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

WORKSHOP RULA NEO

There’s nothing like sitting
around a fireplace
at a campfire
or
in front of an elegant fireplace
to embrace the flames free dance
with a burning desire
to warm our space.
with torrid colours;
those born from red,
with reddish orange,
and
purple blue
more warmth comes forth
in a perfect instance
to fill the place
with an adorable hue
though they're flickering
those blazing flames,
regardless of what might cost their burn,
they'd quench the cold
once been in the place
to demolish it all
within the given space...

didn't mean to ignore you. I really forgot all about it as I sometimes read the comments from my cell phone.
I appreciate you reworking this piece in free form.
Thank you again.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

ok no need for sorry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.