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The water's embrace

Fat, wet rain drops fall on my face
like tears for the whole human race
I feel them pour from my eyes to my cheeks

my heart is broken and my soul is cracked
this rainy weather is giving me a panic attack
the pain is building like a hurricane in my head

I remember those times when the world was underwater
When we were all separated from our sons and daughters
all alone in the world feeling no love or care

When the new fashion was multi colored rain coats
and going to work in our little brown boats
some had to swim and try not to drown

hands pulled at the sky from deep in the blue
sometimes you look into the depths and wish you were there too
staring into the murky blue deep and trying to breathe

The waters edge pulled me in and transfixed my mind
I obsessed over it diving deeper each and every time
swimming and falling into things I had never seen

exploring its secrets and depths of treasures
my soul was at peace as my breathing started to slow
I hear yelling and crying as my lungs started to go

shaking my crumpled body as my brain began to erase
so I pulled back into the waters warm embrace
But was soon grabbed from the water and pulled onto shore

As the lights all began to fade, I felt the waters presence leave
I felt warm hands on my skin telling me to breathe
They said you are safe now no need to worry

But I longed for the place that had taken my pain
now when I look back to the water I feel it whispering to me
Yelling for me to come back to the sea

I may have survived that day with only few scars
next time the waters lull may not be stopped by strong arms
The war against the water can never be won

So I'll never go back to the land again
because the water's embrace takes away all my pain

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
my first suicide attempt was during hurricane harvey i was obsessed with water and well...
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I am thinking that this poem is reminicent
of the floods that you've experienced.

I think it is good that you are trying to write
of the trials of that time, it can help to purge
them from your anxieties. The feeling that you are alone
during times like that, makes for a very sad experience.

keep writing of your experiences and pass them on to others.
Study the works of others and see how they express the pain and joys of life.
You have a talent that can be trained and made to make a difference.

You start and stop rhyming and I can see that you have a good sense of rhythm.
Work with that, read favorite authors to see how they put their sentences
together and make things smooth. I like this, I expect to see more from you soon.
~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

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