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The water's embrace

Rain drops fall on my face
like tears for the human race
I feel them pour down my cheeks

my heart is broken and my soul is cracked
this rainy weather is giving me a panic attack
and the pain is building like a hurricane in my head

I remember those times when the world was underwater
and we were all separated from our sons and daughters
all alone in the world feeling like there's no love or care

When the new fashion was multi colored rain coats
and we all went to work in our little brown boats
some had to swim and try not to drown

hands pulled at the sky from deep in the blue
sometimes you look into the depths and wish you were there too
looking into the murky blue deep and trying to breathe

The waters edge pulled me in and transfixed my mind
I obsessed over it diving deeper each and every time
swimming and falling into things i had never seen

exploring its secrets and depths of treasures
my soul was at peace as my breathing started to slow
I hear yelling and crying as my heart started to go

shaking my crumpled body as my brain began to erase
but I pulled back into the waters warm embrace
i was soon grabbed from the water and pulled onto shore

As the lights all began to fade, I felt the waters presence flee
and now when I look back to the sea I feeling it longing for me
calling my name and tugging my heart

I may have survived that day with scars that went away
but next time the waters lull may not be stopped by prayer
The war against the water will never be won

and I'll never go back onto the land again
because the water embrace takes away all pain

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
...
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I am thinking that this poem is reminicent
of the floods that you've experienced.

I think it is good that you are trying to write
of the trials of that time, it can help to purge
them from your anxieties. The feeling that you are alone
during times like that, makes for a very sad experience.

keep writing of your experiences and pass them on to others.
Study the works of others and see how they express the pain and joys of life.
You have a talent that can be trained and made to make a difference.

You start and stop rhyming and I can see that you have a good sense of rhythm.
Work with that, read favorite authors to see how they put their sentences
together and make things smooth. I like this, I expect to see more from you soon.
~ Geez.
.

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