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Valerie's spider

She dyed her hair
black as her Mother's lungs,
hoping to attract the beast
to someone deserving.

She went out to the porch,
the smoking lounge
kicked herself for lighting up
and noticed the grasshopper's struggle.

The web, so small she couldn't see it,
the tiny spider and its prey seemingly
battling mid-air.
She watched until the struggling stopped,
an hour or more, she didn't know, but
the patient little spider zoomed in,
for bite after bite, the drying of one,
fulfillment of the other.

She went back in and lay beside her,
willing the cancer to come
and fell into a deep sleep.
Valerie took her final painful breath
and she woke with such a sad understanding
of the spider's need for survival.

She wondered why,
why had she simply watched the event outside,
why hadn't she intervened,
she went outside, found and ate the spider.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I am not sure if I got the theme right here - (smoking dangers) and dying because of cancer? Though vaguness wraps certain parts I loved the way how you've presented your theme.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Thanks for reading and commenting. Smoking dangers and
dying are a part of this one, but it's more about how this one
person is dealing with it.

thanks

author comment

This reminds me of a Scot who found sanctuary in a cave, he was Robert the Bruce of Scotland and his encounter with a spider..
But this one where the end was the eating of the spider??
Maybe it's my age young man, give me a shake and awake me to your words, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Sorry, I thought it was clear but perhaps not.

author comment

and let it bite me.
I get this.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

thank you !

author comment

Greatly like and feel of this work Richard

its extremely powerful and in a way that
goes beyond just your normal poetry

this one is deep and unequivocally
one that touchs deep in my own life

to a place where even I did not go
until your poem took me there for
a feeling .. a look

My mom smoked and died at seventy
rather young for a woman that golfed
travelled worked hard and enjoyed
her husbands company and despite
all the egocentricities of issues
worked at gathering all for xmas

after surgeries she lived for twenty
years...twenty more years then if
they had not caught it then in time
and she lived....it was not about
her loss..she did enjoy the spotlight
of herself but still took the time for
others....I have met many who just
absorb their own air like a cloud
the mists....they are interesting
and were interesting....

back to your poem... I like the spider
reference very much and the dragon
fly ..Both these are powerful symbols
in many cultures and I have seen
these among many adornments lately
in my city here...Like little call signs
of spirituality and rooted beliefs

You maintain a strong element of purpose
throughout this work
and Im not hung up on the descripts of
nuances throughout

A very fine poem Richard my friend!
I am glad I went in to that feeling
inside my own personal space
today with this

Thank You Richard!

thank you for sharing, everyone has their own story and
yours is uniquely lovely and tragic. It's amazing that we've
even made it to where we are, so many close calls for us all
but here we are, sharing !

I love the dragonfly, I used a grasshopper but it was originally
a granddaddy long-legs ( I was sitting on the porch and watching
when it came to mind to add it to a poem I'd started).

Cancer it seems has touched us all in one way or another, this
poem is very personal for me Steven, I'm sad and so very glad it
touched you,
thank you.

author comment
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