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The Reach

So I thanked your god for allowing me,
the brutal but gentle kiss of each breath,
the condensation of your love
and the heat of its anger.

Like the precarious barrel race on the pumped up mare,
or the fall from the mountain, and each hurting step back up,
reaching, gaining only the breaking me knowledge,
that it means nothing without you here to clap with me,
feed me cake in the morning on paper plates,
basking in your presence, burning in your fire,
tasting the sweetness that is you, was you
and forever will be
you.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

to love lived. I normally like a poem that flows right through, from beginning to end without any sudden stops, but the second line of this one, stopped me dead in my tracks, then sent me on my way again. I finished without a hitch and went back to that line and tried hard to think of a word for either brutal or gentle that was not so exactly opposite! I still can't. Now, one might think that is a bad thing, but as I puzzled over it, I thought; "Haven't you felt that way yourself?". Yes, I have as a matter of fact. That second line made me delve more deeply into what you were trying to express, and that is not a bad thing at all! Well done sir. ~ Gee.
.

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Yes it was the extremes I was going for,
thank you for your generous comment,
hope all is well in your part of the world.

Richard

author comment

I really enjoyed the first 4 lines and the last 4 lines. The first line drew me right in.."your god". That immediately makes the subject of your love foreign, exotic. Then the images about the many faces of love, both gentle and brutal, really excellently done! Then I get lost in the images for then next 4 lines- I'm not sure what a barrel race is, related to horse racing, or how it connects. Falling from the mountain seems very dramatic, as one would normally die..but you climb back up "breaking me knowledge" which I think is a typo, and the clapping does not resonate with me. Then you jump to a really super great line, "Feed me cake in the morning on paper plates" which just bursts with humility and compassion, brings out all kinds of reaction about and finish in an existential moment which is deeply moving.
Lastly the title does not, for me, do justice to the subject, or some of the fine work in the poem.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Thank you for your comment and the
chance to explain my confusing state of
mind.
The barrel race, hmmm, have you ever
watched a rodeo? The barrel race is a
very intense quick race around barrels
(usually three). Normally (around here
anyway) the horses used are Quarter
Horses, naturally stocky, muscular even
but a quick intense short spurt.
Those two lines are my attempt at metaphors
with layers, it's ok if you didn't get it, I barely
do lol.
"breaking me knowledge", not a typo, probably
just a vernacular thing, country boy speak,
maybe I should have used "crushing", it's
not written in stone just yet.
Happy you liked the cake line, I know I did
but we never know how it may be read.

The Reach; I can change it because it isn't
working, it was meant to solidify the loss and
the "reach" to carry on.

Thank you for the opportunity to share my
thoughts and for the great review.

Richard

author comment

I have tears

The very first line had me in
You thanked her god, not yours...
An atheist acknowledging another's god, immediately gives the write a sense of the devastation of loss

I get the use of the word brutal

Also love the verse
'gaining me only the breaking me knowledge'
Powerful, as well as awesome rhythm...

A heart-wrenching write

I have nothing to suggest....
But I do have a question
The title... is the word 'reach' used for a reason I don't know of?
Does it somewhere mean a 'gap' or some such thing?
Or is it the narrator reaching for something/someone?
Would love to know why you used it

Love judy
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Your comment had me tearing up,
and that isn't fair (shhh, don't tell damnit)

The Reach; I told Eumolpus above but
it was supposed to be a subtle emotional
"reach" to carry on, thank you for asking.

Richard

author comment

Oops - double up
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I thank you it struck you yet sorry
it did. I know we all suffer loss but
knowing that is of no comfort when
it happens.

Richard

author comment

It's good read you again after so long away. The summation of your love and the power of it shines through in these last lines...
"tasting the sweetness that is you, was you
and forever will be you."
Bravo

Bonitaj

Where have you been !! I hope to see
you more, was so pleased to see your
comment, thank you, you've been missed.

Richard

author comment

I naturally thought at first of Nick Cave's "Into My Arms"-
"I don't believe in an interventionist God
But I know, darling, that you do"
Then you grabbed me by the short'n'curlies and dragged me along for the ride.
Sensitive and potent.
A very considerable poem, sir.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

You are making me blush, I might
have to write a love poem to you lol.

thank you sir, your critiques have
humbled, inspired and given me the
strength to write again, and for that,
I can't thank you enough.

Richard

author comment

Still waiting for my love poem.
I'll make it easier, I'll write one for you too.
No need for homophobic fear. I love you as a poet and the best Neopoet member.
I'll even give you a choice. What form or style would you like me to write it in?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Dear Themoonman,
I thank you for your poem.
I have read it many times.
It is intense and touching.
The rhythm is hard to catch as if a breath of a tired hiker who lost his companion.
The images of a pumped up mare and a paper plate with a cake to share are brilliant and unique.
The falling of the mountain is phisically impossible to me. I see myself much smaller than any mountain but falling itself gives me a sufficient reference to the feeling you want to convey.
Finally you broke my heart by the words about claping with you. I realized how bitter and deep must be your feeling of loss.
Your poem is a real deal. It is a highlight of my morning.

Thank you again, best

IRiz

Your comment is more than I could ever
hope to receive for sharing poetry, I get
emotional every time I try to answer it,
nothing worse than an old man that
can't hole his water lol.

thank you !!!

author comment

My pleasure!
I relate to your words very much.
Even if we have friends and loved once,
our poems are often deprived of attention.
I go head over heels when receive a serious comment. Hugs.

IRiz

I think we should leave every one
to believe or not believe
in some unknown power that be

We mustn't force our views upon anyone
each one for himself .
I shall read this one again to learn how poetry is written

As you know I am an off the cuff silly poet
bragging about for nothing
hoping some gems will be found by folks like you

About God
you may like to read
THE MUSTNESS OF A GOD
A great poet has given an excellent view/summation
I may share as a Pm
if you wish to
after your own comments

I appreciate your time and if
you want to send me something
on the pm, feel free ... I'm open
to reasonable ideas about anything.

author comment

as close to poetry
as my wife's legs are to one another, lol.

only joking, of coarse.

nice one.

p.s.- where's the man with the mic?

...and stand upon each other's leg
without a qualm, without the clover
until the worldwide egg is ova.

g

I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said. You haven't shared a poem in a while (are you a slow writer like me?) but you've slammed us with a great one now that you have submitted one!

Kelsey

PS: when my mom says "oh my god!" when she gets upset/we are arguing, I sometimes make the mistake of rolling my eyes and saying back "oh your god!" Oops.

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www.lettereddandy.xyz

he is a quiet genius, never self-promoting yet producing works that belong on the front page of every commercial and social media.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Thank you Kelsey, yes, I sometimes can't
help myself too. My family are almost all
believers and tell me often how I'm going
to hell (out of sheer love mind you lol)

I expect it so it doesn't callous anymore.

author comment

I am fortunate to have a look at this gem especially when it was streamed when i was in sort of a hibernation. ...many expert have viced their comments before me...to me this piece is written in a contemplative mood where eyes are mirroring an event and the soul feeling it...
................................................................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

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