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UNDER THE STREET INFLUENCE

Submitted by Jokerface82 on Fri, 2024-02-16 21:12

a neon blue radiance
sign buzzed
like an angry hive.
a drunken bum hiding

in a shelter of yesterday's
Newspapers a pimp
On the street looking

For more victims
a cop on the beat
power to his head
looking for anything
to arrest a silver gun
pointed in any direction

Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
02/24 Under The Influence
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-02-17 03:13

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "UNDER THE STREET INFLUENCE" creates a vivid and gritty urban landscape with its imagery and characters. The use of sensory details like "neon blue radiance" and "angry hive" adds a sense of atmosphere to the scene. The contrast between the different figures - the drunken bum, the pimp, the cop - highlights the various facets of city life and power dynamics at play.

To enhance the impact of the poem, consider refining the structure and flow. The abrupt line breaks create a sense of disjointedness, which may be intentional to reflect the chaotic nature of the setting. However, experimenting with different line lengths or stanza breaks could help guide the reader through the scene more smoothly.

Additionally, expanding on the emotions or internal thoughts of the characters could add depth to the narrative. This could provide insight into their motivations and perspectives, making them more relatable or intriguing to the reader.

Overall, "UNDER THE STREET INFLUENCE" has a strong

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Sat, 2024-02-17 11:07

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but agree with the AI on this one, in regard to the scene that it paints. Nice work! I think that the minimalistic nature of it has thrown it off guard, so it asks for more depth. On that, I don't agree. If short, vivid work is what you intended, then you have succeeded. ~ Geezer.
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Jokerface82

Sat, 2024-02-17 12:37

Jokerface82's picture

Appreciate it

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