Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

tryposphaze

Submitted by Esker on Mon, 2017-05-15 22:06

hazy nocturnia
coil of simmering
life the boil
eons of ion
compunctions clock
the magic in its tin
ticking in the soft pocket
Neons hot prowl
pulse clicking digital
quartz
maps of Beyond
free sounding
keys glimmering
swinging in
the cracks and streetcar
valleys
ribbons
arteries
the hustle shuffle
needy and greedy
glass eyes examine
flaunted flanks
torn chrome sidepanel
junction
pay it no mind driver
drive on
drive on

on the grey horse
she rides
and hot host dusk
awakes the waiting
dead for dance
aquariums thirst
aqualine water
rimmed ghosts
headliner torn
like silk
snapping on
the overpass
which door to
open
which door to
close
an arcane
knows
dragging sparks
going
sixty over
the limit
.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Tue, 2017-05-16 00:22

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

to have a new appreciation for this style. Been reading a lot of newer stuff. Finally read that book I got from the library sale. The Best Poetry of 2007. Not liking everything, but I see it a little better than I have. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Esker

Tue, 2017-05-16 02:50

Esker's picture

the entrance
passage
the heart of darkness
signals the ending
and the beginning

'not liking everything' a most honesty
conveyance
relay to the journey of wordcraft
and the soul of writing
that of its transparent
and that of its labrynth
and inner crossings

thank U Geezer

Mr Wolf!

author comment

jane210660

Tue, 2017-05-16 05:13

jane210660's picture
Volunteer badge

Esker, you can put a collection of words together, both humble and high, mix them up and create something wonderful.
I will freely admit I don't understand all of your poetry, but I do revel in the images.
I think this poem, is a perfect example of what I'm trying to say.
I take my hat off to you Sir E.
Jx

------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

Esker

Tue, 2017-05-16 11:38

Esker's picture

reactions from a less scattered prism or facets
diamonds........the sunshine ray through nascent cloud
the works helps me be me
without the wondering or trying to
be me in the real day to day

madness is free
but the gate is often the one way
adventure

thank U!

author comment

lovedly

Tue, 2017-05-16 05:21

lovedly's picture

as I have said
so many times
your poetry flies over
many minds

Now I have found a solution of mine
Will get totally bald
and may be some words will enter of thine
in my bare and bald nude mind
devoid of a need for understanding
what your words are injecting

but I am going to feel dizzy
may be
reading your poetry
once 'tis injected
my mind's computer will go active
count down
987654321 no not zer0
now my brains unwinding
esker your words are
RE- SOUNDING
OK resounding

Esker

Tue, 2017-05-16 11:44

Esker's picture

the half way house top bad boyz
we would work out at the free to be
there fancy pants gym downtown
they were all built like brick shithouses
but little boys inside finding the women
via acceptance and disdain of such
unsure but surely capable men
via their bodies which the ladies did
not mind....the madness of all of that
was free....they wished me to join
and relented...i lasted there but two
months....enough time to fit into that
work out herd.....women and men
of all ages..driven alphas
when i saw that madness was not at
the unfortunate level but even more
complex at the higher order
I enjoyed the weights and strenous
lifting...knee bends to chest from
hanging on to the bars
rowing machine was my favorite
the steam room
no one talking....eucalyptis oil
all of this luxury but i can understand
at that level of upkeep better
the need for all of that finery

I like your imagery and thoughts
about the numbers running down
and then the anti numbers
science says there are beyonds
light bends through the gravity
of time and space
etc

thank U!

author comment

vandiemenspeak

Tue, 2017-05-16 09:40

vandiemenspeak's picture
Volunteer badge

I had a million neuroses as a kid, still have a few and I think that fevered febrile mind feeds into the poetry, in a GOOD way, loved it.
Another trip through Eskers wires, someone said, you don't need to understand poetry, just enjoy it, I read this aloud, trolling around the woods, if anyone were to see me, they would think me mad, all good, no worries, everyone is like that down here.
Language instinct, Pinker, the lust to link words and images together, sometimes fevered an a flash of brilliance, most of the time works, sometimes not, that's just how it works out. It's all moved on a bit from Auden's day and the man on the messy desert Island, with unmade bed and empty beer bottles, being the free verse outcast.
I used to make up words, as I'm guessing you did too, like kinecticopissophobia (fear of making too many involuntary movements, whilst concealing the need to pee on a long bus trip) - haha, language is fun, and should remain that way.
Nice work Esk, keep going.

Cheers.
PS, I thought, maybe "on the grey horse
she rides" - greyhound bus, that's where my head was going?

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

Esker

Tue, 2017-05-16 11:32

Esker's picture

cinema gang of the sixties
how they broke the chains of
how one 'should' create with
the camera

friend of mine a 'Traveller'
had need of me as a good stand
in brother....in the caravan
Jackal sheperd dog...parking lots
free wi fi..go to sleep huddled
quiet in the evening and wake
surrounded by 'the herd'
bathroom breaks..rudimentary
washing...blow dry hair with
hand dryer and pick up an inexpensive
muffin coffee..walk dog..computer
work and plan day...breakfest made
on the gas stove...it was a good van
grampa gramma looking..great shape
in evenings we would watch movies
after dinner...the bros road trip times
making up for all the one the road woman
times..
cd movies were many...Grand Budapest
Motel...Birdman...Full Metal Jacket
re runs of little house on the prairie
etc..

I cant recall where i started to make up
words...maybe competition with other
poets for titles....they would throw about
made up words but not use them for
titles....
not a mistrust of the outrageous but more
the ..'you cant use that'
its almost a subliminal billboard
...the wha? wha?
double take on what...
then skip it to the body of the poem
already moving in action
my brilliant friends would do this
throw a fast barely audible line at
me....they found coming into the
peripheral like this...i was less
confrontational about facts.fiction
intel....diversionary..
then slowly brought that magic
which works to the front
showing them that it is a tool
all the kick ass ads are running
this satire now

been going through much
and doing much
helped a bud put in a dock
been twenty five years since
i lifted heavy items above
my shoulders
hopped off porches
worked with three bright
but never put together
minds...but we bolted
a dock into a lake
from a deck
directed by a brilliant
minded man
with much who like
the poetry was put together
with the scarcest of concern
to the tiny minute
just the framework which was
solid was there...
we did it...sunburned with color
today....air my head out

I google imaged flowers in a blue
jug and came up with all sorts
of cool artistic and intellectual
links i followed
like Geezers book suggestion I
googled and then branched
out from the artists works

we have nothing to fear but
fear itself

what doesnt kill u will come
back and get u..
well fred didnt say that
i never say the works are accurate
nor true and i talk to myself
too much...the instability i was born
with....mutterings..but my brilliant
friends found them interesting

as I find all here...

we are all allowed to be who we
are
my latest attempt to survive
in the chaos i take on
watched a good documentary
on apocalypse now
heart of darkness
characters...etc...
directors inserts..
i remember first year high
school hearing about the
making of this..

drove into town...
city actually
picked up food bank
food from kind church
ladies...i adapt
had too...
the one girl i know
asked if she could
help putting the simple
take away grocery bags
of tinned goods...coffee
beans..kraft dinner
into the pack..
i held it open..
she lowered them in
thanked her...
said a happy story
they laughed blushed
nothing has to be
the gritty grey i see
all the time
there is nothing more
then the horrors of
your fears being revealed
and often in your own
reflection both outward
and inward
survival..
I like your made up word
oh there it is
scrabble...
an old last togetherness
of family before we all
went upriver trying
to not get out of the
boat..but of course
i did...we would give
points to originality
in made up words
provided the explanation
was a crafted..witty
and understood untruths

thank U Chris

steven

author comment

lovedly

Tue, 2017-05-16 14:52

lovedly's picture

if I ever claim
that I understand
half of what Esker Sir
you compose
then to the garbage bin of time
on its way to Mars
they will me dispose

no one would ever know
what contains the bin l
Lovedly would be aflame
and
the fragrance of poetry alone
will follow through the dark and thin

they will incinerate me
in the far folds beyond the horizon
and
say you had the gumption O demon
to voice
that Eskers voice alone you rejoice
like it were you owned the Niagara
all of it

The Queen
the mist
the night
the light
well here all reading you will think
Loveldy too is out of mind
his poetry now leaves fragrance
as much as Eskers
but sorry folks it stinks
we all enjoy only Eskers winks

Esker

Wed, 2017-05-17 14:18

Esker's picture

hot out..beautiful weather...hit a gathering....good stufff..survivors
eveeryone positive......twenty five degrees and rising..clouds..wind..
breeze.....gotta keep moving....lest the shadows drag me in
no sense of losing touch
keep it real..feel its rough..

thanks all...listening to sixties songs...my childhood i dream
vivid lately...the cottage the wild times of many families gathered
there..the eight tracks..the music and television news
twilight zone at night..laughtracks..
it made me along that portino of the trail what i am
today......

amped up on coffee..nicotine and sunshine
there is beautiy in living
there is respect for the past..

thanx...mr wolf

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.