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Today's Great Undead Poets

Today’s great undead poets,
awash in the internet sea,
seek to fill the void of sensible emptiness
of our cyberspace world.
Following the heroic tradition of Man,
these daring individuals look to gain acceptance
through the expression of concepts.
Mirroring the virility and vitality of Life,
in defiance of critical naysayers,
the blankness of virtual paper
is scribbled upon with hurt, hope and ideals.
Writing styles and topics,
whether expressed in romanticized language
or the coarseness of profanity,
are brilliantly reflected in individualized glory
and authors bask in the personal satisfaction of achievement.
In the ever continuing flow of poetic thought,
today’s great undead poets
find treasures in the discovery of self.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Good write!!! It describes how most of us cyber poets feel (or at least how I feel), although I am learning that acceptance no matter where you are in cyber space (whether it be here or social networking) and in real life, is few and far between. It is very hard to function in society now adays without offending someone, even if it is virtually. My only suggestion is the flow..it didn't feel much like a poem...more like a paragraph or a commentary (a very well done commentary). Other than that...great job.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Thanks for your feedback.

This particular poem is a departure from my 'normal' pieces of spirituality and an early attempt at prose. I've had too many people try to convince me that there is no place for poetry, and in the end the writer can never please everyone; so it was important for me to offer a brief perspective that touches upon my view and to encourage other writers to explore the depths of their own life's filter.

-Joe Breunig,
Reaching Towards His Unbounded Glory

Logic, when applied to people, fails miserably! -Me

author comment

I recognize your picture have you been here under a different name ? doesn't matter I loved where you took this one, I think a lot of poets feel the same, some just write for a hobby and others write passionately I can always tell if a poems been mulled over and crafted, though I am not sure this is poetry maybe more prose ?

I have no real crit's for your poem other than its really well written kudos

sincerely Jayne-Chloe

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Thanks for your comment.

I've only used my real name in conjunction with my poetry, for I do believe in having transparency. I had joined Neopoets just before the website's earlier version was terminated. This was an early attempt at prose and different from how and what I normally compose. Some people consider prose a free-verse type of poetry; so I was expermenting with this piece; for me, this piece is best read slowly, so the readers can see themselves through their own viewpoint.

-Joe Breunig,
Reaching Towards His Unbounded Glory

Logic, when applied to people, fails miserably! -Me

author comment

Title is good.
Your language use, while clever, is too flat and unemotional.
The theme appeals to me a great deal.
The beginning is okay,
the ending is good.

I have read some of your other work, both here at Neopoet, and in other places on the 'Net too, and this is simply not up to your usual level of writing, in my opinion. I usually find your poetry intriguing, inviting and enjoyable. This piece hints of those, but is far too prosaic, much more than your usual work. It reads more like an article, and lacks the emotion that I expect in your poetry. I can't help feeling that this should be a rough draft. It is promising in theme and pacing, but it lacks emotional impact.
Even so, this has potential, the makings of a great poem.
If I have not been moderate enough in my criticism, I apologize.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Thanks for your feedback.

This was an early attempt at prose; I intentionally wrote it without the usual emotion found in my poetry; I was using my analytic skills to express why people (me in particular) write poetry - and for other writers to understand their own motivations. Once people began to learn I write poetry, I was surprised and disappointed at the negative feedback and their disgust (misdirected anger) coming my way.

Not surprisingly, this piece usually to get the most commentary. People tend to love it or hate it, while I'm more neutral. The discovery of self can be exciting or scary; for me, the expression of faith is where my writing passion lies. Perhaps I host a contest of 'rewrite this write' to get a clearer picture of how this can be improved to reduce the 'analytical tone'.

-Joe Breunig,
Raching Towards His Unbounded Glory

Logic, when applied to people, fails miserably! -Me

author comment

This one although the theme was good,
it became a little quiet.
Out there the cyber poets
have the universe to write of and to feel.
When in the past could you have so many people that know of you and will talk to you.
Just a little more on your next write please, Yours, Ian. Tease

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks for your coment.

For me, this was an experiment on writing a piece of prose; the approach was more analytic, to strip away my ego and give a glimpse of why people write poetry, but not their motivation. Not everyone is brave enough to look inwardly and share their findings outwardly; though the world may be cruel and unkind (at times), its desire for truth and passion is still unquenched.

-Joe Breunig,
Reaching Towards His Unbounded Glory

Logic, when applied to people, fails miserably! -Me

author comment

Thank you for replying to the comments a lot of th poets take their time in doing so.
Being a Spiritualist it is hard sometimes to explain some aspects of what is going on here and the despair of some that have had a to severe religious upbringing.
I have learned of many things during my journey here and have been told that I have finished my tasks here and all I have to do is write.
The completion bit did stop me in my tracks but then the explaination put me back on line.
What a wonderful way of being and learning, though we can write on the dark side sometimes they are just me having a break and stretching my mind into other word patterns, as you have done here..
Go well, and I shall just say walk with us for a while, there is much to learn, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I think perhaps you have made the common error of mistaking prose for lack of prosody. Prosody being the physical structure of poetry, like rhyme and meter. Freeform poetry can still have prosodic values. I have read this poem twice. The first as prose, the second trying trying to imbue it with prosodic values. Let me know what you think. To edit the poem into prosodic form there is no need to break it into stanzas or make it rhyme, just use slightly more poetic language, imagery and poetic sounds like assonance and consonance. Give it a try,

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1MNMcdHBLtn

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1LwmcFDTx2K

cheers,
Jess
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