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Today- (Yesterday Now)

Submitted by Ian.T on Sat, 2013-05-11 03:37

It came to me as I browsed my pictures
That time of nature was evolving
Changing life forms each day
A creep of a vine, the swelling bud
That in time will bear flowers

A sanctuary for the busy bees that awake
Yet I have heard that drone of the humble
Way before the bee, sipping the early flower
Bumble, I wonder why they seem to be drunk
Holding onto those blooms in fresh breezes

I pushed at one with a twig it seemed to cry
Leave me alone this is heaven for me
An early bloom that will give it's all
A beauty that collects nector in my eye
Toward it mesmerised with its beauty I fly

Today I will step out to new things
A flowers bloom, the suns warm rays.
A garden of delicate things to watch over
Shall I help the Spring, by protecting things
Maybe it will come no matter what I do

I know I will walk with this life renewed
Shall I start again as nature has shown me
Another way, new fields to love and see
Let me think of what I shall now do
I know! I shall awake and don new shoes

Not sure but I have edited the above it is giving me problems:-

It came to me as I browsed my photographs,
That in nature, life was again evolving free
Changing forms each day with subtle growth
A creep of a vine, the swelling bud, bulging soil
That in time this struggle will bear flowers

A sanctuary for the busy bees that awake
Yet I have only heard the drone of the Bumble
Way before the bee, sips the early flower
Bumble, I wonder why you seem to be drunk
Holding onto those blooms in fresh breezes?
.
I pushed at one with a twig, it seemed to cry
“Leave me alone this is my heavens sanctuary
An early bloom that will give it's all, has held my eye
I am a beauty that collects nectar, that shouldn’t fly
Toward it I am mesmerised by its patterns display”
.
Today I will step out to new things, a new life
Flowers bloom, the sun warms, long grasses sway
A garden of delicate things to watch over each day
Shall I help the Spring, by protecting all these things
Maybe it will come no matter what I do

I know I will walk with this life renewed
Shall I start again as nature has shown me?
Another way to be, new fields to love and see
Let me think of what I shall now have to do
I know! I shall awake and don new shoes..

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Just read a piece on a Spring type theme and it reminded me of the past few days and the changes. Anemones that were tortured several times with snow during the winter were the first to flower and out came the old Bumble Bees to drink of them, they were so beautiful really as all around people were talking gloom about the loss of bees and how Spring was late.. Enjoy the days as they flow past your windows, then get off your Butts and go out and touch those things.. This needs a tidy up but it as usual is only a few minutes old ..
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Mon, 2013-05-13 17:39

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Second version definately better than first. And I REALLY like that last line lol. Only thing I puzzle over is second line. I wonder if time AND nature might be closer to what you mean to convey? You'd know better than I. Now I'll go to sleep with shes still on lol...................stan

Ian.T

Mon, 2013-05-13 19:16

Ian.T's picture
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Great to see you here and that the second one was the better this means my edit was worthwhile lol.
As this was posted Saturday I was having a fit that there were no comments, though I had asked for some help with this one.
Just which second line were you looking at:-
Shall I start again as nature has shown me? Or:-
that this time of nature was evolving free..
The first is shall I start again as nature does each Spring--Or the later--
A time where nature has a free hand.
I suppose they are very much the same, and depict a new start maybe only one new start is all thats needed lol.
Thanks for you attention to this write, I await your reply.
Take care out there, yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

loved

Mon, 2013-05-13 21:12

loved's picture

epicurial
lots of time
or more time u 'd like to spend Ian

very few read now

loved

Ian.T

Thu, 2013-05-16 13:55

Ian.T's picture
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Epicurian, I am and hear you, as I do the think talk,
Yours with many thanks, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

scribbler

Mon, 2013-05-13 22:52

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Guess I could have been a bit clearer. I was referring to the second version, first stanza, second line.................stan

Ian.T

Tue, 2013-05-14 02:40

Ian.T's picture
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Yes this was a little strange, the words seemed to have their own way.
I have changed the last word of the first line to Photograph as if comparing the time passing:-

It came to me as I browsed my photographs,
That in nature, life was again evolving free.

This seems to show the changing of life around us now the rest of the piece has to try and put the change that we must sometimes make in our lives where we start over again..
Thanks once again for your help I think I was a little tired on this one, maybe I need that energy of Spring to start over, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2013-05-23 09:28

Nordic cloud's picture

I enjoyed this and agree with Stan about the second one being the better one.
Another way of seeing Spring, yours and with you garden I know you have
all mentioned here at your fingertips Ian.

Love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Ian.T

Thu, 2013-05-23 11:35

Ian.T's picture
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For looking at my Today's.
The second one was a good edit of the first,
having taken more time over its construction.
Take care out there Spring will caress us one day or Summer may just roast us without warning, many things have waited before flowering so we have everything going on at once it is strange.
Still they will call it Global warming and still keep their heads in the sand.
Yours Ian.Txx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2013-05-23 15:49

Nordic cloud's picture

So it's doing just the same here, blooming
ALL AT ONCE one day grey,the next day GREEN,
the tulips, the daffodils, crocus all together,
astonishing and exciting isn't it Ian. Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

loved

Thu, 2013-05-23 16:11

loved's picture

epic
urial
or
urian
urea is common
Hence Ian
you read mine
as I laways do urs
more than often

loved

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