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Till Again
We made love before you even touched me,
For the act of love itself means nothing,
Without the promise,
A vow, a sincerity,
That exists more in the proof of commitment,
Then the heat of the loins,
Yet, when the act was complete,
It was more delicious,
Than the sweetest words ever written,
Two lovers, between one another,
Bare to the bone,
With faces flushed as pink stone,
In blue light of dawn…
My mind knows I love you,
My body feels I love you,
My heart cries, I love you,
And I do,
Yet, such expressions of love should not be taken lightly,
If delved into nightly,
For mad I might become with delight,
And happiness would be hard found in the day,
Till again, you took my breath away.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
The South, US
Favorite Poets
William Blake, Edgar Allen Poe, Robert Frost, Joyce Kilmer, Walt Whitman, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Robert Browning
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Comments
scribbler
Fri, 2012-03-23 09:12
Hi
This was torrid without being pornographic. Were it me writing this, which it isn't, I would probably have split the three longest lines in half. And you did well using occasional rhyme to enhance this.........stan
Rainy Day
Fri, 2012-03-23 14:42
Hi Stan
Thank you for your comment. I believe you are right. The 3 longest lines would be better split. I believe I will revise it. I think the poem will look and sound better this way. Thank you so much.
author commentloved
Fri, 2012-03-23 23:32
It reminds me of the folly of all women
It reminds me of the folly of all women
day in and day out
they say No
ere they give in
and
we all know that this is not the end
there will be many a repetition
for the juices forbidden
are spice of life
be it with any gal ,
maybe a wife...
loved
Nordic cloud
Sat, 2012-03-24 16:26
An unusual love poem well
An unusual love poem well written.
Nordic cloud.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
China Blue
Sat, 2012-03-24 19:58
Rain
"for mad I might become with delight" now that is a great line
provocative without being porn nice balance of words
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Rainy Day
Sun, 2012-03-25 00:53
Thank you
Thank you all for your comments. Yes 'loved' you are so right. We ladies can only say no for so long till we give in :)
author commentloved
Sun, 2012-03-25 00:57
Rainy Day
Rainy Day
Thanks
it rains daily
when two folks are ready
and
under the cover of darkness
under bed sheets
no umbrella is needed.
let it rain freely
loved
Rainy Day
Sun, 2012-03-25 01:04
I Like That
I like that very much. With rainy days like that who needs sunshine
author commentloved
Sun, 2012-03-25 06:41
hope you realised
hope you realised
what was meant by ,
an umbrella
thanks,
It must always continue to rain
and
let it go down the natural drain...
loved