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Through Pains and Tears

there are times where i cannot see,
what part of your forever belongs with me
you ask me about my feelings and when i don't care,
you are just sending me a healing stare...

but the truth is i really care for you,
that when i lost you in my life,what will i do?
though sometimes i've been a fool to you....
you're so much to me that i'll never let you go..

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
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Editing stage: 

Comments

This was a sweet sentiment.

You may, however, want to rethink / reconsider the fourth line in both verses:

In the 1st verse, "you are just sending me a healing stare..." sounds like a forced rhyme.

In the second verse " you're so much to me that i'll never let you go.." suddenly loses the rhyming structure you have worked hard to have thru the whole poem.

I think you may have something here, it just needs a little more work on those two lines.

Psyve

.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

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