Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Other Side Of A Love Story

You don’t have to say that you’re already bored,
It’s obviously seen across the board,
Come on,let’s shape and make the word…
That would give end to and break this world.

We’re on a broken harmony,now what’s your pick?
The link that connects us now no longer stick..
Silence is resounding and our hearts don’t speak,
Saving this relationship was a suicide trick.

There are times when I asked for more,
But I was drawn by the scene…what was it really for?
We’ve changed a lot from what we are before,
You even shut me closed before your door.

The coldness is killing..it makes me feel so sick,
The love was then strong..but now it’s weak,
Everything crushed down from its sweet-ride peak..
It’s the heartfelt that started to sink.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Nothing much new. Not even imagery.

Who did you write this for? A general reader or the lost love?

Honestly, if you are going to write a whinge, find something deeply personal, explicit to the relationship, express it in the third person and let the reader feel it instead of just been told about yet another lost love.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.