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The Sun is Setting

The warmth of a dying sun causes the moon to descend into mourning
it's light slowly fading, asunder the weight of the cold is tearing off of this fabric of ambiance that shelters our seemingly vivid reality.
The tears shed reflect its aura, creating somber shimmers of beautiful hope.

Lost is an understatement as I am drugged into ignorant bliss. Let the light eat the dark and generate sweet apathetic passion, with intentions melancholic at worst.

A lullaby for the beast, set to induce eternal rest, for in death we are truly free. My Messiah guides me with heart in hand into the passage to the heavenly promised land.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I can’t remember when I wrote this but I remember being inspired after looking at the album cover from a band
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

a different vision and version you have posted here about the Moon...

raj (sublime_ocean)

A warm welcome to Neopoet

I like your words very much and have taken a few minutes to show what it could look like with a bit of tydying the lines

The warmth of a dying sun

Causes the moon to descend into mourning

it's light slowly fading, asunder

The weight of the cold is tearing off

This fabric of ambiance----- i took (of) away---

That shelters our seemingly vivid reality

The tears shed reflect its aura

Creating somber shimmers of beautiful hope

Lost is an understatement

As I am drugged into ignorant bliss

Let the light eat the dark

And generate sweet apathetic passion

with intentions melancholic at worst

A lullaby for the beast,

Set to induce eternal rest

For in death we are truly free

My Messiah guides me with heart in hand

Into the passage to the heavenly promised land.

can you see that the reader can actually digest the words better when there is space to do so?

this is just an example, i believe that if one cares about the words they should care how they are presented.
Take care young poet and never forget to take some tips and ideas (thats what neopoet is all about) we are all here to learn.

Thank you...Teddy

your lines as teddy suggests it make your run on sentences easier to read and this makes the poem more appealing to the readers

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I much prefer the tightened-up version of this poem. your words and intent have had a deep impact on me. this makes my soul ache with understanding! keep writing! we will keep reading!

*hugs, Cat
*

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