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Stars

Before the sun begins to fade away
The light so soft and elegant tonight
As stars they dance awaiting for the day
So beautiful and bashful in their light
As a painting blooming in the night sky
With the intention of celebrating
and giving the gift and the hope to fly
Visual beauty commemorating
They entrap my dreams and revive my mind
my eyes are caught within what they portray
Illuminating the sights that I find
Twisting my thoughts into a jangled fray
The sun is peaking, revealing morning
So for now the stars will wait in mourning

Last few words: 
Just a high school piece I had lying around
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Your rhythm and rhyme is spot-on in this piece, and I too know the feeling very well.

Being one with cosmos.

Beautiful thoughts.

Before the sun begins to fade awayt
the light so soft and elegant tonight
as stars they dance awaiting for the day
so beautiful and bashful in their light

As a painting blooming in the night sky
with the intention of celebrating
and giving the gift and the hope to fly
visual beauty commemorating

They entrap my dreams and revive my mind
my eyes are caught within what they portray
illuminating the sights that I find
twisting my thoughts into a jangled fray

The sun is peaking, revealing morning
so for now (theXX) stars will wait in mourning

NOTE
ababcd etc 4 paras plus last two lines

and
why all caps I wondered
Hence you may like to score me
or rethink
A lovely piece

all the caps that lovedly sees, but you may have replaced them. I do think that you should take a cue from him though, and rearrange this into verses/quatrains. Much more pleasing to the eye and easier to read. Very nice job! ~ Geezer.
.

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