Did You mean:-

SOBER

Unimaginable dreams carried by the wings of a creature, who's only song it sings is gruesome in appearance.
You should never fear it, for the possessor is incoherent.
The feeble mind is not an abomination but one of GOD'S creations, the obvious separation is man-made.
We are all made slaves by the irrelevant circumstances, that captivate the soul and tempt the mind.
Trying to confine the divine relevancy of the life that was meant to be, forever caught in this silent lucidity praying.
Maybe there is more for me, masking the despair wishing it wasn't there.
Knowing this life was never fair, full of self-pity for my unknown destiny,
logically unexplained, but that doesn't stop the pain or the un judging rain, that will somehow wash me from my sins.
Hopfully this will help me, to walk down this wretchedly crooked path, that will eternally last the test of time.
Oh!, these sublime thoughts that never cross the sane mind, but are so hard to find through the constant confusion of, a SOBER MIND

I have just tidied your piece up so that it can be read and probably understood by me for a start. The transfer of the layout I did is corrupted by the layout here but it will have to do..
I think that you will need to sort out your way of presentation theme wise there again try to bring the whole thing to the table so that we can talk freely on your completed piece.
If you have works that go back 14 years I for one will wait your other pieces, try to clear away the strings of words and lay out the piece with breaks, later you can with some revert to the workshops on forms of poetry and not just free verse.
I am not the best one for forms, as I rarely change, but I guess that you have a lot more time than me to learn of these things.
Teach you we Will/Can ??? , Yours Ian.T

i really like this. the absence of puncuation and run-along structure keep you racing toward the end, which fits well with the content. looking forward to your next piece.
always,
mag

it detracts.
Many many writers before you have experimented with formlessness so now the novelty has worn off and the tedium of something difficult to read re-assets itself.

The question to ask is who are you writing for? If only yourself then why not put away the keyboard and pull out the porn and lubricant?

I know that's harsh, and I am not denying the value of this work. I love it, it has powerful poetic and rap devices, a strong theme and meaning. I would go further than Ian did in breaking it into lines in order to be FRIENDLY TO YOUR READER.

why not?

As a post-script to that, continue to write in the form that works for you, it is clearly working, I see great potential, just edit it afterwards. You will not be pandering, giving your readers Macdonalds mush poetry, it will still be your strong, passionate work, and more accessible.

More coherent and meaningful.
I wonder why GOD'S is in caps
and spelling seperation separation

spooky some similarities
school I relate too
grade five took test and was high for awareness
but math is blurr still

I would say SOBERED MIND in this
just sound more cooler
Well to me anyway

Like Poet mind compared to Poetered

dont mind me my brain is something
these days and I love it!!

pretty much described my dreams and
nightmares not so much the creatures
for me like HP LOVECRaFTS magnificent
works but metaphors that creepy fucking
awful feeling of vividness in a a dream
so if that is the winged creature then this
rocks for descriptor

much like myself when i write i find your
writing similar to the way i write
no punctuation and the caps are an interesting
thing but still
as a poet i find you interesting as hell
and you pretty much remind me of a few
people i was on the road with

okay....

must get going
chores

like your work and voice

Thank You