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slap stick

Submitted by Simon Smythe on Mon, 2014-11-17 03:07

toga flapping
on the run
flogging horse
in setting sun

a corner strikes
the chariot stout
a flapping fish
he flounders out

enigmatic
quick surprise
his hardy laurels
scratch his eyes

dirt and dust
in tousled hair
his humerus cracked
and hubris bare

his dribble slick
in settling air

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Mon, 2014-11-17 10:49

Simon

Maybe a chariot race winner but left to the reader to place.
A good write just needs a little more action and description.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Lonnie

Mon, 2014-11-17 13:59

Okay, so........??

Sorry, I didn't glean any message from this, and couldn't really make much sense out of it either. But, that's just me, it may be fine reading for someone else!

Simon Smythe

Tue, 2014-11-18 14:03

it's all in the title

slapstick has no meaning
it's popularity is due to it's absents of intellect
I was often told sarcasm is the lowest form of wit
but surely the tired routine of banana skin injury gags wins that prize

thanks for the feedback you two

your pal Simon

author comment

Esker

Tue, 2014-11-18 20:49

Mahovolich to Sitler....Sitler to Henderson...Espisito steals..

the puck and its a shot on Sawchuck....HE SCORES!!

sorry saw slapstick and remembered Hockey Nite in Canada circa mid seventies..
Everyone but Sawchuck was out on the ice.....Sawchuck was a goalie..
I asked a fellow when I was in the pysch ward in sept what he liked about
playing goal.....I am talking more to people and asking questions and getting
repoire finally after all the years....He said you got to play the entire game
and you got to see everything that was going on.....

Slap Stick....as in the original silent films.....We had those in public school
and secondary...often the teachers would run the films backward also..
en eclectic young lot in mini skirts then and wide ties..fresh out of teachers
college...

I like the rime part...(sorry cant spell rime)
and the nonsense but a believable
feel to this....
witty ..yes.
Im sarcastic way too much and am cutting
back.....

I enjoyed the poem very much
Laurel Hardy thing.....
excellent play on that!

thank you!

weirdelf

Sat, 2016-12-24 15:14

Your modesty ill becomes you, Simon

There is slapstick, yes, also puns, post-modern referentialism, Carrollesque even Pythonesque wordplay.
Altogether quite a rich piece of poesy.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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slap stick