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Shoe Stories

In the evening we walk backwards
To nowhere in particular
Collecting shoe stories.

Avenues and alleys blind
Old haunts that no one wants
They remain like a stalker.

Shoes of patent leather pounded
Pavements blister bloody red
Small rocks our shoes collected.
Full of painful pebbles

Tripping and stumbling,
Treading and re-treading.
Regretful and remembering,
Walk right back to the beginning.
Walking backwards all evening
Collecting the Shoe stories.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Shoe Stories" possesses a strong narrative voice and utilizes a unique metaphorical concept - the idea of 'shoe stories.' This concept is intriguing as it suggests that experiences, memories, and histories can be embedded in everyday objects such as shoes.

However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement. The phrase "To nowhere in particular" in the second line seems to lack the specificity that could make the reader's journey through the poem more engaging. Perhaps a more concrete destination or purpose could be introduced here to provide a clearer direction for the narrative.

The line "They remain like a stalker" could also be made more effective. The comparison of 'old haunts' to a 'stalker' is a strong one, but the connection between these two elements is not fully developed. Expanding on this metaphor could enhance the emotional impact of the poem.

The repetition of "Walking backwards all evening" at the end of the poem is a good way to bring the narrative full circle. However, the phrase "Collecting the Shoe stories" could be revised for more impact. The capitalization of 'Shoe' is inconsistent with its usage earlier in the poem, and the definite article 'the' may not be necessary.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Many lines start with the same structure, "Shoes of...", "Tripping and...", "Treading and...", which can make the poem feel repetitive. Experimenting with different sentence structures could add more dynamism to the poem.

Overall, the poem has a strong concept and narrative voice, but could benefit from more specificity, development of metaphors, consistency in capitalization, and varied sentence structures.

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A very clever write. I enjoyed the entirety of it. Good tittle, and the rest just rolls right along!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Your comments are always valuable, glad you enjoyed it.

author comment

Hello, Sen,
I picture an image of all of us studying our shoes at the end of the day, thinking over all the places we walked, the choices we made, the outcome of what the day brought to us. Revisiting our actions. It's not so much in the shoes, as it is who we are while moving about in the world.
Thank you!

for your critique and reading, you extracted a new meaning from this poem, personalize a pair of shoes and it shows people and how they walked through life.

author comment
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