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Shame in the Veins of Theban Streets.

Submitted by riotface97 on Sat, 2017-07-08 08:23

How did it feel, Oedipus,
to desecrate flesh
that made you,
to see the gods had left you
cowering, broke and alone.

And was it but painful, Oedipus,
to force yourself into blindness
maternal pins bringing one, sole kindness;
taking views
of this curtain-raised world.

Fathers arms, Mothers laugh,
lend day a touch of bittersweet
as kings and fools and gods and men
fall hard against the earth.

I would've held you in my arms.

weeping.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
The first and only time I read Oedipus was in high school and I've never really gave it that much thought until a few weekends ago. Quite suddenly I found myself with a new-found empathy towards the character which resulted in me writing this piece. I also really like the idea that the Greeks wrote and performed tragic plays in order to convey to their audiences that life was often inherently unfair. The persona of this poem came from a place of viewing Oedipus' situation through this lens and therefore approaching his story with a deep sense of empathy and sadness. Thanks for reading, Nick.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

lovedly

Sun, 2017-07-09 20:15

lovedly's picture

who gives life to imagery
what a wonderful view
you give and so true

themoonman

Mon, 2017-07-10 08:35

themoonman's picture
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Enjoyed your poem this morning, read it
twice and liked it more the second read.
I did feel the character need not be mentioned
twice, in fact maybe take out the first one, or both
and drop it in closer to the end (just a suggestion).

love the old myths, your title drew me
right in.

thanks for sharing with us.

weirdelf

Mon, 2017-07-10 12:44

weirdelf's picture
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Perhaps strangely the line-
"of this curtain-raised world."
was the most profound to me.
In the spirit of poetic compression of meaning it opened to me the vistas of all human poetry and drama from the Greek tragedies through Shakespeare's "all the world's a stage" to Larkin's "This Be The Verse".

I agree with Richard about losing Oedipus' name once.

Fucking splendid little brother (I hope you don't mind me calling you that).

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

riotface97

Tue, 2017-07-11 04:21

riotface97's picture
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By the feedback. Writing is one of the only things I've really stuck with over the long-term and I feel like it's a part of who I am and comments like this are invaluably encouraging so thank you, and I'll take out the name and hopefully have a fairly polished piece.

Nicholas.

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