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"Shadows Creep"

Submitted by Nordic cloud on Wed, 2012-01-04 11:42

"Shadows Creep"
4th January 2012

Night,
shadows creep,
clocks watching,
still,
breath its strange dance,
currents moving
slow,
window cracks open,
frost dried leaf,
twig,
breezes a lullaby
sleeping head;

when all falls, falling,
deep,
black,
great heaps of earth, mountains,
silent,
speechless,
dead,

no movement
seeming set,
such weight
not sinking, rising up
wedges,
ice on lakes, disturbed;

Stillness,
spinning fast,
strange planet out in space,
our home, our place.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Last few words: 
Before I got up this morning in the night I wrote this on my phone.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Candlewitch

Thu, 2012-01-05 12:51

Candlewitch's picture
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A great late night write. It apeals to my darker nature. I love the way the short lines flow into slightly longer ones. The build up of expectation is really nice. The subject matter is right up my alley!

I was a bit confused by this line:

breath its strange dance,

The ending is right on!

Stillness,
spinning fast,
strange planet out in space,
our home, our place.

always, Cat

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Nordic cloud

Thu, 2012-01-05 13:14

Nordic cloud's picture

I cannot write breathe, when I mean the breath fro my lungs dancing in the currents of air that flow about us. Perhaps a comma after breath to establish it?
Glad it pleased otherwise, Cat, it was half asleep seen and written down on my phone, to re write out in the morning and lengthen it to give it form.

Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

loved

Thu, 2012-01-05 13:22

loved's picture

Who have broken the shell of
Mundane poetry…
thanks ..great verse as usual ,extraordinary...

loved

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2012-01-05 14:40

Nordic cloud's picture

I like your forest scene, thank you for this. Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

loved

Sat, 2012-01-07 04:44

loved's picture

I am quite aware
That you are aware,
That my poetry acumen,
Is more than naught?

ZERO
Thanks

loved

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