Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

FOLLOWING THE WIND

Following the waving trees,
the same direction as the breeze,
as if a thermal element
was wafted with my gait,

as blown along beside the river,
downstream with it's flow,
I felt a kind of impetus,
impulsive like a joy,
that grabs the psyche,
swings the spirit in high gear,

a thrill of moving onward
through the day, through the year,
as if time were anonymous
and I a mere convolvulous,
that happened to be flowering today.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 

Comments

Just lovely! Love it all - but especially the second stanza and the title is perfect.

The best!

Love Mand xxxxxx

Love to you and Erik!

Takk Mand, glad you travelled the winds with me,
I felt just like that when I wrote it, luckily able to
often be knocked of 'terra firma' often by the sudden
sight of something, even tiny, in nature that makes
me smile to myself in a feeling of happiness,
(okay Jess ner ner!)
And to you and Rusell, from us.

Ann with love.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

Nevermind what?

Or was that your name somehow? ;)

I liked the thought of receiving a GOSH,
I was amused when a child at my Norwegian kindergarten
used the word, copying me, as its slightly old hat, isn't it,
perhaps not in some countries?

Thank you for your comment.
AnnW

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment

Effective in every sense.
Except that first line. Can you come up with something better than 'waving', it is a tad clched.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Could use billowing, or leave out the word altogether, but isn't it the simplicity of meanings that makes something readable without noticing exactly the actual words, I am not enamoured of the poetry of people who obviously are out to impress us with their broad vocabulary if the more available word is good.

Like in the Japanese Haiku they aim for total simplicity of understanding, using words all can immediately identify themselves with, I don't know, unless the "odd" word is just dead right, it seems affected to me.

The use of another word might also detract from the speed in which one reads the poem, this one has to go with the wind, and the trees sway or wave to me in wind, what do you suggest them Jess?

Thanks anyway, Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.