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Sea Dog

Submitted by Blue-eyed Bolla on Mon, 2023-02-20 08:26

I’ll follow yon’ stream, down south to the shore,
just go, with the flow, to the sea.
I’ll take myself off to hide my heart’s hurt,
become someone else ‘stead of me.

I’ll dream and deny the pain I can’t cry,
soothe soul, in my boat, by the bay.
I’ll take the high tide, lift anchor and glide,
steal stillness and stow it away.

Rub salt in my wounds and watch them all heal,
(old Sea-Dog had taught me that ruse.)
Make coastline my home, inland will not roam,
will take up again with my Muse!

And when the dawn breaks, comes casting its spell,
a new man you’ll find on the beach:
of seafaring bent, a jack-tar content,
with heart that bad love cannot reach!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Heave to and show a leg, read me poem and feel me freedom!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Alex Tanner

Mon, 2023-02-20 10:03

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Well me old pirate sail ye down to the pacific, find a dusky maid and sail the islands with your new shipmate. Loved the poem by the way. Alex

Blue-eyed Bolla

Wed, 2023-02-22 11:34

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Many thanks, Alex

KBloor

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Geezer

Mon, 2023-02-20 11:14

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I love it! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Blue-eyed Bolla

Wed, 2023-02-22 11:34

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Many thanks, Geezer

KBloor

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Seren

Mon, 2023-02-20 11:34

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You got the making of greatness in you, but you got to take the helm and chart your own course.

Long John Silver -Treasure Planet

Don't ask me why but you made me think of that quote and I think it might be applied whichever way works for you ;)

I think it's an excellent poem me matey! I don't see anything to critique.

kind regards Seren/Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Blue-eyed Bolla

Wed, 2023-02-22 11:33

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Many thanks Seren, for your quote, kind comments and feedback on my poor little rhymes.

KBloor

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Rosewood Apothecary

Mon, 2023-02-20 19:28

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My only real exposure to sea shanties was through Jerry Garcia and David Grisman who recorded some obscure tunes as part of their acoustic series of recordings. This reads just like those tales.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6xbEV9xiTaU

Awesome
Tim

Blue-eyed Bolla

Wed, 2023-02-22 11:32

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Thanks Tim, I'll check out the link.

KBloor

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Candlewitch

Wed, 2023-02-22 10:07

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this is great! much enjoyed.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Blue-eyed Bolla

Wed, 2023-02-22 11:31

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Thank you

KBloor

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