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Scotia

Submitted by Rhiannon1010 on Wed, 2015-10-14 16:53

So,
As it turns out,
And for those of you who don’t know,
The Scottish are stubborn folk.

Or,
At least they were
In 1639 when King Charles the First sent
Troops to quell the Presbyterians.

So,
It seems that if
You don’t like the king’s policies, you revolt.
Oldest and noblest of professions.

Or,
You could just pretend.
Form unenthusiastic armies and meet at the border,
But never REALLY do battle.

So,
The king will pay
You off in titles and land. Peace for
Ten months, then go again.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2015-10-14 19:13

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this qualifies as being a poem. I got a free history lesson though! Anybody else have any thoughts on this?
~ Geezer

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Rhiannon1010

Wed, 2015-10-14 20:32

Rhiannon1010's picture

I don't see how it wouldn't qualify as a poem. I'm not offended or defensive, but I'm just wondering if you could explain why you think it isn't a poem.

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Geezer

Thu, 2015-10-15 06:57

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to Jess and Stephen. I just wasn't sure that it qualified as a poem. No offense meant or implied.
~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Rhiannon1010

Thu, 2015-10-15 11:06

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Haha. No offense taken wither. I was just interested in hearing your take on it.

author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2015-10-16 11:20

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I had been reading some things about oration. One of the parts that intrigued me was about rhetorical parts of speech; such as asking questions that one really doesn't expect the answers to. I think I might classify your piece as being rhetorical prose. Just me, I guess, but there you have it. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

alidzain

Fri, 2015-10-16 14:37

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thanks for sharing.

Alid

Geezer

Fri, 2015-10-16 17:52

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I guess that I have to explain my thoughts again, seeing how there were no questions. All your lines were statements, but they were obvious statements that were mostly satire in nature. Again, not poetry, but prose. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

weirdelf

Wed, 2015-10-14 21:49

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and an intriguing structure, very leading and readable.
Oh, the poor Scots! Such a weird history of betrayal and subjugation. I know 3rd generation Aussie/Scots who still say "Never trust a Campbell"!
I have been rather absent lately, Rhiannon, and therefore missed a lot of your work. I shall certainly revisit. I like your style.
My only crit is that I don't think 'REALLY ' needs be in caps. Caps are a lazy way of shouting.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Esker

Wed, 2015-10-14 22:10

Esker's picture

works as a poem for me...Atwood wrote and writes like this
the kings then were kings...money and arms...now its a
corporation...soon if we go wandering and being unenthusiastic
it will be like the fifties...soviet gaulag time...

set to mandolin and troubadors this could go somewhere
im from scotia..ont..i thought the oldest profession was..
wait for it...
writing......
which is revolting

writers are dangerous
tithes...flavouring
oh I mean favouring
well....you do own something I gave you..
(Love...attention...that cookie from lunch
break...hmmm...what do you have??)

I like the So or So or So...its like tightening
down head bolts...yes...those babies
are torqued specific...get em wrong and
you get a bent head..
I like methodical things
its reverse from just pure madness and
chaos....

like hitting the city and handing out cigs for
intel...drinking brew and finding some contacts
working the new land...sniffing the new sniffs
a careful and interesting step into the hood
to see what zooms up for the look see...

King charles....princess gave me king henry pin
which i eventually lost....at twenty i was surprised
she kept handing out other items...
at fifty im still the inept kid roaring off on the pedal
bike...of which reminds me of my crazy hard assed
buddy on his mountian bike...he has on his back
frame on either side not just one...two plastic card
sized things to make a racket on his rear tire...dude
draws..is crazy like me..strong as a horse..just as
tall and in love/lust control of this itty bitty mighty
little woman...if I did this...and I would just for reaction
it would of course have too be two ace of spade
cards...Bicycle brand! I know car drivers go laugh
..but Im green..no pollution...no gas..insurance...
and Im in great shape...no diabetes...no overweight
issues...just lunacy....and I dont have to pay for goddamn
parking!! maybe the old vikin' gene...i got grey eyes
and red highlights..we aint like the bog irish as they say..

I like this "poem" reminds me of the valedictorians I sat
with the the brilliant tech people and odd millionaires up
here whom find my odd brain refreshing..
something I didnt know.
thank U missy!

Mr Esker!

alidzain

Thu, 2015-10-15 05:44

alidzain's picture

I believe this is the first time I see this type of structure in a poem here. Thanks for sharing.

Alid

Lenny of Cohen

Thu, 2015-10-15 08:53

poetry meets something within and the judge says these words are indeed a poem - if you wish it to be.

lenny

_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent

Wei Wu Wei

lovedly

Thu, 2015-10-15 20:45

lovedly's picture

in my humble opinion ..
please garbage it
anyone and all

any piece of art
painting or poetic
which emanates from with in
as an emotion
in rhythm rhyme or free verse
with our without
proper syllable counts
but flows like the Niagara does,
it is poetry for me
like it or not its ones own version
we all can't produce stereotyped gems
all the time,
else we'd be better called as artizans
not poets at all

your poem qualifies
as even Jess says after all
after his version the curtains on Neopoets fall
Rhia you are the poet here
and hear
once and for all

If I can be one so called!

r u from the Arabian nights
as I now slightly recall?
I wonder still....

weirdelf

Sun, 2017-04-02 17:28

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you didn't uncap REALLY.
It is a bit crass.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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