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Reminiscing… May 21, 2011 Doomsday
As the days now dawn
Without a rising bliss
Life is but a meaningless walk
Upon a dusty road
Of man’s own madness
In search of mysticism
To belittle the Creator
Surely, the prophets do die
But their prophesies do not lie
They come to pass at last
The earth quivers beneath
The sun consoles with a burning shade
For hell’s mouth is ready
Its hour looms in at last
Some Christens seek their God now
With due supplications
Others drink booze and more booze
The trumpets will howl soon
For after two thousand
And some eons of insanity is at a close
Life’s poor players at this crucial climax
Gather on a bleak stage
And with lit candles of pleas
They await the stars to fall
Or the earth to shrink
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Comments
Candlewitch
Sun, 2012-02-19 16:34
Dear WonderGolly,
Suggestion:
In this line: in seek of mysticism I would use the word (search) instead of (seek) as it is smoother.
a decently dark poem that I appreciate! The end of our world is something that many of us speculate on. I really liked these lines:
Life’s poor players at this crucial climax
Gather on a bleak stage
And with lit candles of pleas
They await the stars to fall
Or the earth to shrink
very deep!
always, Cat
*
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And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
WonderGolly
Sun, 2012-02-19 20:36
hello Candlewitch
How have you been? Nice to have you around again. Thanks for the read and the correction / suggestion. I appreciate it greatly. thanks.
respects
WonderGolly :)
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentweirdelf
Thu, 2012-02-23 06:48
I don't agree with your ideas
especially "Pagans drink booze and more booze"
but your verse is wonderful and beautiful.
If you had said "atheists drink booze and more booze" we would have had a fight!
Yet poets must argue and disagree and believe and disbelieve.
"A poet's work is to name the unnameable, to point at frauds, to take sides, start arguments, shape the world, and stop it going to sleep". Salman Rushdie ...
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
WonderGolly
Thu, 2012-02-23 16:54
Weirdelf,
thanks for the read. But permit me to ask a question. Are you uncomfortable with the expression "Pagans drink booze and more booze" or you don't buy the idea of using "Pagans" at all? glad "atheists" never really crossed my mind. lolz.
"Yet poets must argue and disagree and believe and disbelieve."
respects.
WonderGolly :)
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentweirdelf
Thu, 2012-02-23 17:08
what are pagans?
define them.
And why would they rink booze? I know many pagans who don't drink at all.
pa·gan (pgn)
n.
1. An adherent of a polytheistic religion in antiquity, especially when viewed in contrast to an adherent of a monotheistic religion.
2. A Neopagan.
3. Offensive
a. One who has no religion.
b. An adherent of a religion other than Judaism, Christianity, or Islam.
4. A hedonist.
(I like hedonists!) There is no mention of booze
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
WonderGolly
Thu, 2012-02-23 18:22
Using pagan,
I didn't mean it an offensive way. I used it to depict the other group who don't believe in the revelation or judgement for that matter. well, I will work on a replacement.
respects.
WonderGolly :)
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
author commentwesley snow
Tue, 2012-03-20 16:42
I'm working through your other stuff.
Have patience. I'll find some way to insult you.
Jess' complaint about the line is valid. Here's why in my perspective. It was a blanket statement about a large, generalized group. Nothing wrong there really. The problem comes when you offer no evidence. If you are going to say "all men are jerks" (they are) you best be prepared to offer a modicum of proof even if circumstantial. In poetry (more so than in other writings) the poet will often use a blanket statement to do precisely what happened here. Piss someone off. Now, you realize of course that Jess is not truly angry, but rather jumping on you for the same reason I'm talking gently about it. A blanket statement is a call to arms. Don't stop using them, but be more aware that you are. There's nothing more dangerous than waving a gun in someone's face and trusting it's unloaded.
Now to more important stuff. I've been pressed for time so it is taking me forever to look in on the past work of some of my favorite poets. My part time protege's if you will.
I didn't much care for this poem because it's what I call "a rant". Not a particularly vicious one, but a rant none the less. The beauty in it is aggressive (again, nothing wrong with that), but not my cup of tea. I happen to know you write a lot of other moods, so I'm not the least discouraged. If I liked everything you wrote I would likely be so one dimensional that I shouldn't write.
One last. And I've whined about this before. There are two typographical errors in the post (bad WonderGolly, bad). Don't let us see the mistakes. When we scream at you about your poetry let it be what you intended. Like Jess said, it is our job to start arguments. Don't let them be about something as trivial as a slip up.
I'll tell you the first one, but just to see if you're bothering with my "critique" I will leave the second for you to tell me. You spelled "Christians" wrong.
I'll see you on your other posts and try not to start an argument.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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