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R a v e n i n g S u p i n e

Submitted by Esker on Mon, 2012-04-02 23:56

Amavi
blood trails feed
nights wingtips breeding stars

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

judyanne

Tue, 2012-04-03 00:35

hi esker

i keep coming back to this
even though i don't really know what you are saying it conjures up major images in my mind

i love the third line -
do you mean for 'nights' to have an ownership apostrophe?

excellent short form
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Esker

Tue, 2012-04-03 01:07

Hey judy

Im so glad you get this
thats what its about

now you have my attention
Ownership...Night's
wow You got me thinking!

I more think my lines in opening
are like headings

"Nights!!"...Wingtips are breeding stars..(like an exhale)
"Mornings"..how the dreams have wandered far! (Like a question)

"Night's Wingtips"
"Breeding stars"
"a streamer format
spinning far..."

Im glad you caught this and raised this ponder
Im very impressed
its been awhile since I rocked ideas with fast
flexible intelligence like this

not for a long time when I was on the road

thanks a lot man! you've made my morning here!!

Mr Wolf

author comment

Esker

Tue, 2012-04-03 01:14

ravenous laid back hunt

amavi to have loved or love hungrily or something like this
like a Pet name or Pet heading
for passion for obsession
that ache that growls
that wind that prowls
in the soul and keeps one up at night

definately ownership on Night's Wingtips
breeding stars
obsession brings obsession copulation
the stars
merge spanning dreams
for me it came from "Fuck Obsession"
(I used to wear Mens Obsession cologne)
I threw it against a retaining wall and had
a cigarette one night
preferring to smell just of the night of the
stars of the lonliness of that empty
soul hungering for idealogy

the glass shards glittering like thoughts
constelllations of pain and longing
excitement

Mr Wolf

author comment

judyanne

Tue, 2012-04-03 01:20

hey mr wolf :)

your explanation is poetry in itself xx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

weirdelf

Tue, 2012-04-03 02:02

As usual, I don't read the explanation,

but acknowledge that the poem is worthy of it.
I've never read such a short poem of yours,
oh brother, you are growing beyond my lungs breadth.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Nordic cloud

Wed, 2012-04-04 13:53

A wolf howl

How can anyone who smokes
smell the night's perfumes?

This is an abstract painting
with human expressions showing through.

Nordic cloud.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Neopoet

R a v e n i n g S u p i n e