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The Pursuit of Perfection, a Losing Game
In the realm of brown eyes and flowing hair,
A girl graced the world with beauty rare.
Yet, in her thoughts, a tumultuous sea,
Obsessed with appearance, it seemed to be.
She acknowledged her allure, without a doubt,
But yearned for more, a beauty to tout.
Her mind fixated on perfection's quest,
Determined to surpass, never to rest.
Why did she dwell on such futile thoughts?
Loneliness whispered, tying her in knots.
Dreams of flawlessness became her shield,
A refuge from rejections, yet unconcealed.
Her friends, indifferent, seemed to drift away,
Leaving her feeling lost, a shade of gray.
In a swift-paced world, she couldn't keep stride,
An outsider, unnoticed, as life's currents glide.
But a moment arrived, unveiling the real,
Beauty's obsession, a self-made ordeal.
A mere façade to flee the ache inside,
To mask the loneliness she sought to hide.
With newfound clarity, truth pierced her heart,
The pursuit of beauty, a hollow art.
No longer would she succumb to its snare,
Embracing her essence, beyond compare.
(this poem is about me)
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-05-10 15:00
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Pursuit of Perfection, a Losing Game" is a poignant exploration of the effects of societal pressure to conform to beauty standards. The author skillfully conveys the inner turmoil of the protagonist, who is obsessed with achieving a flawless appearance to the point of alienating herself from her friends and loved ones.
The language used in the poem is evocative, with vivid imagery such as "a tumultuous sea" and "dreams of flawlessness became her shield." The metaphor of beauty as a "hollow art" is particularly striking, highlighting the emptiness of pursuing an ideal that is ultimately unattainable.
One suggested line edit is to change "An outsider, unnoticed, as life's currents glide" to "An outsider, unnoticed, as life's currents slide." This change would create a smoother flow and maintain the water-themed imagery in the poem.
Overall, "The Pursuit of Perfection, a Losing Game" is a moving and relatable piece that encourages readers to embrace their true selves and reject the narrow beauty standards imposed by society.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Wed, 2023-05-10 23:37
I'm not sure...
that you need the whole of the title, [after the comma]
but it does tell the tale. Couplets are a hard to write form of rhyme, because they depend on
making sense of two lines while choosing words that rhyme. These lines, in return, have to
make sense in the whole of the poem. I found that the poem made sense all the way through
and was excellently executed. You made sure that there were sufficient descriptive terms, and
the reader could draw a vision with the information given. I felt the piece was relevant, it gave me pause
and reminded me of some people that I know, who are obsessed with how others perceive them,
[thinking that the outside is key to how many friends we have].
Your language use is very good, and making the point, that the [protagonist/yourself] was still unhappy with all that she has achieved.
The rhythm and pace are good, the internal logic also. The beginning deals with the fact that she feels inadequate
and seeks to rectify those emotions with yet more beauty enhancements. The fact that her true friends started to drift away
explains the sudden change of heart and the ending lines make sure that we understand that she is now a different person.
A good poem, with a lot of emotion. ~ Geezer.
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