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My Sister
She'll never know the pain that I feel,
The loneliness that's all too real.
A mental health center she'll never see,
Friends always there, begging for her company.
She'll never feel the urge to end it all,
Or suffer from parents' abuse, now long gone.
Stealing and cheating, she'll never do,
She'll have a perfect life, it's true.
My mom says she's the favorite child,
With more friends than I had in a while.
She'll never disappoint, like I seem to do,
But I know my worth, and I'll see this through.
For though I've been through hell and back,
I am strong, and I won't crack.
My struggles have made me who I am,
And I'll rise above, like a phoenix from the ash and sand.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2023-04-22 22:24
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
/5
"My Sister" is a poignant poem that explores the narrator's feelings of isolation and inadequacy in comparison to their seemingly perfect sister. Through vivid descriptions of the sister's charmed life, the poem highlights the narrator's struggles with mental health, abuse, and social isolation. Despite the bleakness of the subject matter, the poem offers a message of resilience and self-worth, as the narrator asserts their strength and determination to rise above their circumstances.
One suggested line edit is to change "long gone" to "long past", as the latter phrase flows more smoothly with the rest of the poem's language.
Overall, "My Sister" is a well-crafted poem that effectively conveys the narrator's emotional journey. The imagery is vivid and evocative, and the message of hope and self-acceptance is inspiring. The poem could benefit from further development of the sister's character, perhaps through more specific details or anecdotes, but as it stands, it is a strong piece of writing.
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Deji
Sat, 2023-04-22 22:32
ateeeeeeeee
ateeeeeeeee
eda
Sat, 2023-04-22 22:34
ily
ilyyyy
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