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Pulling the Pin
That leaking faucet was maddening,
it had nothing to do with his car
breaking down, catching his wife
running around or the totalitarian way
his boss ran the office;
no, it was that sleep depriving drip
he needed to grenade.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments
Kailashana2
Fri, 2012-10-26 07:06
That sounds like a great
That sounds like a great poetic beginning for a story, Richard. How u b?
Much love.to you and yours.
themoonman
Fri, 2012-10-26 07:46
Ello Lovely,
I b's fair to middlin, and you?
Yes this one begs for more, I was going for impact consolidated.
author commentLenny of Cohen
Fri, 2012-10-26 14:38
Nice One!
Like this!
Namaste,
Lenny
_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent
Wei Wu Wei
themoonman
Sat, 2014-06-28 06:54
Hi Lenny,
Thanks man, sorry for the spastic time thing, I'm
undeniably human.
Richard
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2012-10-29 00:51
I too...
had the thought that it sounded like the beginning of a story.
Then I realised that this was the whole story! Anyone should be able to see that the poem describes a person that is misdirecting their anger toward the faucet, so that they wouldn't feel guilty about blowing up their wife , the house and the car. The boss is next! Loved this one Richard! ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
themoonman
Sat, 2014-06-28 06:55
HI Gee,
Can't help but want to blow up something at times,
life gets crazy. Glad you liked the little poem.
Richard
author commentIan.T
Mon, 2012-10-29 05:04
Richard
Loved this piece, just turn the water off at night lol, will send you a Grenade by post but I must retain the pin, as it's so useful for removing stones from horses hooves, I do hope the gaffer tape holds in the post,
Yours Sparrow
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
themoonman
Sat, 2014-06-28 06:56
Ian,
I'm still waiting on that grenade (lol) ... thanks!
author commentRobert Melliard
Fri, 2014-06-27 11:57
This poem
is short but packs a big punch. Two huge problems are mentioned almost in passing, as if the silly faucet were the only trouble. How often our real problems are channelled into expression via minor cares! But I only see that now of course, after reading your poem.
Best wishes,
Robert.
themoonman
Sat, 2014-06-28 06:59
Hi Robert,
I appreciate your look into this poem, it is one I actually
liked because of a few things, short but strong, flows fairly
well and the title fits perfectly without giving anything away
until after the read.
thanks,
Richard
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