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PIXEL PRECiOUS

Submitted by Esker on Mon, 2012-04-16 02:17

ride in the svelte lining
sacred and saved
while the mastery of day
flows in ribbons through
streamer flag top structures
and whitecap glimmer

my soul shimmers

you smile baby is captured
alive on the lcd

while remnants if ice
fall away from our glacial
fire
and winters aurora
whips constellations
of godesses awake

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

judyanne

Mon, 2012-04-16 05:46

judyanne's picture
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you give me much food for thought

changing life and circumstances, and our memories and emotions are captured to be recalled, whether needed of not when we view our albums

'you smile baby is captured' - ?typo - do you mean 'your'

wonderful word usage gives wonderful descriptive that depcits the oxymorons of life....
i just adore
'remnants if ice (?another typo - do you mean 'of'?)
fall away from our glacial
fire'

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Esker

Mon, 2012-04-16 07:51

Esker's picture

now that you locate them and note them
it does make me think too because my work is
so shimmery

because it could go like this

"You smile Babe! and it's captured!"

"Remnants, (if ice), then they fall away
from glacial fire like a sheen of pretty
joy and sadness!"

there is the immediacy in todays world
where before there was so much effort
and work to find the one true picture

and yet do we favour the immediacy as
well as we do our subjects
Is the idea of love
fondness
and even obsession changing
with technology

I carry my albums
in my pocket
like my leather bound notepad

"oymorons of life...."

wonderful point
and on that note I just found out my
two keys on the motherboard are not working

wear and tear

must go

thank you Judyanne

author comment

magics02

Mon, 2012-04-16 09:18

How are you doing there friend? I read this twice and have to agree with Judy as I got lost there a line or two, a word lost or two? Anywho I likes it a lot and wanted to stop in to say hello from Florida to my Canada friend. Hope all is going well for you and happy to see you still with pen in hand.

Blessings of love
Mona

Esker

Mon, 2012-04-16 21:14

Esker's picture

"questions...answers..."

yes Mona
I would hate to spoon feed intelligence
I like work with the WTF moments
what? what?
as I like to write

ponder

Thanks for stopping by
Ive never been to Florida
Flew over it on the way to Jamiaca on the north island
for a resort stay long long ago with family

Read a lot about its aquifiers and limestone tunnels
divers love the great blue holes offshore and the
Bermuda Triangle Flight 19 etc
Wichiwachi Springs I think it is
(Love Mermaids)

Thank You

author comment

weirdelf

Tue, 2012-04-17 00:17

weirdelf's picture
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love it!
But please fix the typos.
Also lcd really confused me. LCD would make it clear.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Cloudthings

Wed, 2012-04-18 23:09

Cloudthings's picture

Yeah, I can't critique Steven, only enjoy, quite selfishly, you amazing talent... LCD is clearer, I agree, but I do love that you have your poetry at the point where you can just think about the way you present, not just the content... eg. you play with the way you name your poems, with spaces or capitals ... it is the artistic flourish & you do it well here with only the small "i" among those dominating capitols... it says something eh!!!

These lines just undo me!

ride in the svelte lining
sacred and saved
while the mastery of day
flows in ribbons through
streamer flag top structures
and whitecap glimmer

my soul shimmers

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

pleiades

Thu, 2012-04-19 00:40

thoughts planted in a window-box,
torn and beautifully tattered,
like a hearts' prayer flag, fluttering
in a winsome wind

love
love
love

this poem
your talent

your heart

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