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Photographer

He was 18, and a photographer.
I was 17 and dedicated every fiber of my being to a boy,
as teenage girls often do.
I engraved his name on my rib cage
and branded his initials onto my inner thigh.
For him, I became an artist, a poet, a contortionist.
A best friend, a confident, a lover.
I remolded myself to fit better to him,
and was so successful he did not have
to change at all to fit me.

He will tell you that he loved me too,
but do not listen to his lies.
He was a photographer,
but never took pictures of me,
and that is not love in my eyes.

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Photographer" effectively uses metaphor and imagery to convey a sense of unrequited love and self-sacrifice. It tells a story of a young girl who changes herself entirely for the love of a boy, only to realize that his lack of reciprocation, symbolized by his failure to photograph her, is a sign of his lack of love.

The poem could benefit from more specific details to enhance the imagery. For instance, instead of stating "For him, I became an artist, a poet, a contortionist," it might be more impactful to show how the speaker became these things. What did she paint or write? How did she contort herself?

The line "I remolded myself to fit better to him, and was so successful he did not have to change at all to fit me" is a powerful statement about the imbalance in their relationship. It might be interesting to explore this idea further, perhaps by showing more about the boy's character and actions.

The ending is poignant, but the phrase "and that is not love in my eyes" seems a bit direct. It might be more effective to let the imagery of the photographer not taking pictures speak for itself, allowing readers to draw their own conclusions about what this signifies in terms of love.

Overall, the poem effectively communicates a powerful emotional experience, but could be enhanced with more specific imagery and subtler conveyance of its central message.

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Hello, MM,
I really like this. It has a matter-of-fact feeling to it - like a lesson well learned. I don't feel much sadness in it, but rather discovered confidence and high self-esteem. A pretty spot-on experience by most teenagers. I wonder about switching the first two lines:

He was 18, and a photographer.
I was 17 and dedicated every fiber of my being to him,
as teenage girls often do.

This leads smoothly and directly into all the ways you conformed and changed. Just a thought. You might also want to make the lines more consistent in length - a bit easier for the reader to visually follow along.
I remember going through something similar to this as a teenage girl. The mention that he is a photographer gives the piece an exotic sense. That last stanza (especially the final two lines) is full of spark. Really like this!
Thank you!
L

thanks Lavender i appreciate your feedback!! I will make that switch :)
Thank you so much!
-MM

<3

author comment

I see that Lavender has it covered! I really liked how you handled the situation of this gutless photographer! my favorite lines are:

He was a photographer,
but never took pictures of me

what a jerk he was!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

"I engraved his name on my rib cage
and branded his initials onto my inner thigh.
For him, I became an artist, a poet, a contortionist."

Its wonderful snippets such as this that makes for poetry.

Obi.

Thank you so much!!

<3

author comment
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