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Persuasion+ Reason

Submitted by Rhiannon1010 on Sat, 2015-09-26 12:21

But God’s name’s not Jane.
And mine’s not Anne.
And life’s not an Austen novel.

My mother’s insistence would never wane
Until I abandoned the beloved young man.
But God’s name’s not Jane.

Seven months or seven years would never drain
My sea of feelings for the Captain.
And life’s not an Austen novel.

The business of my house brought you to my domain
And I set to win you back again.
But God’s name’s not Jane.

Such conflicting emotions strangled my brain
When my mother lifted her elitist ban.
And life’s not an Austen novel.

I thought the sun of your love would overpower any rain
And leave me forever warm and tan.
But God’s name’s not Jane.
And life’s not an Austen novel.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Sat, 2015-09-26 12:53

Esker's picture

and of course this is great..
something the great thirteen
students would try to get me
to read and explain carefully
to me why they would want
to ruin my primitive mind...
no its still ruined....
which is why this is beautiful...
classical with modern touches
and the mystery of the conflict
beneath that runs like the
sea ..the business of captians
and captive hearts...
captivated audience.

gotta leave the computer today
and go outside...
feel the sun...here its still
warm..

Austen..never read..watched any
of the works...there are some
things that are elevated...and
a world I was stricken off the list
from....maybe I should..

Thank U!

weirdelf

Sun, 2017-04-02 17:15

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

Really effective use of repetition,
it helps, of course, to have read Jane's works.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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