Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

On Pain

Submitted by Eumolpus on Tue, 2019-02-12 12:04

Pain is a hungry wolf,
Howling in loneliness.

Its moan takes root in every cell,
From the smallest splinter
To the shock of a bullet.

It also strikes the deep gut
With news of loss or finality,
That no one can console.

What demon god invented it?
What creature thrives by screams
In the emergency rooms of broken bodies,
And broken dreams?

The will to live will not withdraw.
We do not die from pain
We go on howling till it’s gone
And the memory is numb.

Last few words: 
Having had an anticipated amount of pain from resent surgery was a good prompt...it's diminishing now, as does the memory of pain. We can remember the toothache hurt, but can't recollect the actual pain.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Rula

Tue, 2019-02-12 12:49

Rula's picture
Volunteer badge

I know I shouldn't pat on the back, but I don't think I can find something to improve. I like the imagery of the wolf in the opening lines, however I don't agree that it howls in loneliness. I believe we feel the pain if we're in public or alone, though I agree it works better in loneliness.

Other than that I wish you a fast recovery.
Thank you for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Eumolpus

Tue, 2019-02-12 13:05

Eumolpus's picture

Thanks for your comment!
It's lonely to me because although we can commiserate, I cannot "feel" your pain, you can't feel mine.
I can't feel your toothache you can't feel my sprain. So I felt pain is lonely...only the suffering truly feel the outrage of pain. The rest of us a are helpless to really help (not including doctors who might give you pain killers for physical pain and anti-depressants for the pain of sorrow. That's a different thing)

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment

scribbler

Tue, 2019-02-12 17:33

Volunteer badge

I am very familiar with pain having endured it for many years. So i read this and thought about pain and death (all us older guys think of death sometimes). Now that last stanza....I think the message could be clarified, maybe something like :
The will to live never ceases.
Although we might die with pain
We do not die from pain
We go on howling till it’s gone
The memory gone numb...........just an idea

zebra

Wed, 2019-02-13 14:33

zebra's picture

The thing about your poem thats the most telling is beyond the words
I can feel you like an empath Your pain and exhaustion with it is palpable
Im hoping you feel better soon !!!!

So sorry for your pain my dear friend !!!!!!!!!!!!

themoonman

Wed, 2019-02-13 23:51

themoonman's picture
Volunteer badge

An old lover of mine that won't
let go ... she sure get's around.

Cloudthings

Fri, 2019-02-15 01:38

Cloudthings's picture

Hello, I thought I better come read you after you left such a welcoming & wise comment on my "first poem since returning" - I enjoyed this very much & am so warmed by the sharing- I found some of the lines carried me to a familiar or poignant space -as I believe poetry should do - & was totally enamoured with the last line, beautifully wrapped up... My faves include:

"The will to live will not withdraw.
We do not die from pain
We go on howling till it’s gone
And the memory is numb."

In this set I wanted just one more line for some reason... I don't know why... I am no scholar re poetry, but for what it's worth, I thought something like:

"Its moan takes root in every cell,
From the smallest splinter
To the shock of a bullet."
They echo hauntingly, on & on -
Something like that, though I am always loathe to change anothers work, it's just a thought & the addition is just an example.... I note that you had created a pattern that may be important to you though, 2 lines, then twice 3 & twice 4... Was this important to you... Just interested.

I look forward to reading more from you.
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

Eumolpus

Fri, 2019-02-15 14:28

Eumolpus's picture

and indeed part of a workshop does and should include a re-write by the reader if the feel it. I do it and enjoy when others do to me, it's a compliment. It helps you as a poet, as it does any artist or composer doing the same. It what makes a workshop different than a poetry reading or a Instagram post.
The poem was twice the size and decided to go more minimalist to avoid to much redundancy which can happen with a single theme poem. So I cut it down to this for now... Form is important, how a poem "looks", and I do often keep the stanza lines equal, but sometimes I'm more loose with it. The comment of noticing is very appreciated.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.