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ORISON ON MY BIRTHDAY

Myth holds that heaven lives in the skies
melting in the wind
my prayer runs and flies

emits from stake
wishes out of busy body
wriggle in circles
snaking up misty cliff

my thoughts climb mingling with stars
a region corona free
and world's noisome pestilence
go wild and free
in the milky paths of galaxy

there I plant my faith
bring life to wishes
to august moon
as summer ends
and august breaks

in screens thereof I pray to see
faces of hopes
glimpses of better tomorrow
wishes become horses
charioting down with roses

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Editing stage: 
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Not Explicit Content

Comments

drew me in, which is what it is supposed to do. I don't see that it has anything to do with the poem, but that is okay. It did its' job. Whenever I see someone new on site, I go back to see what else they have written, if anything. In both of your works, I see someone who is proud of their heritage, but angry with their country for the leadership. I know what you mean. Although our country is not in as bad shape as yours, We too, are angry with our leadership. I fear that in your country, it will come to a revolution and bloodshed, for which I am sorry. Keep writing, words can be powerful tools. I cannot judge your poems by our standards, because there are the many factors of language; but if I have read it right, you have the power of the people with you. ~ Geezer.
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Dear Geezer, you are absolutely spot on with your interpretation of the poem and I feel that we with the gift of words have to constantly engage our narrative to speak truth to our leadership.
Today happens to be my birthday, rather than wish myself the usual long life and all that goes with it, I rather wished that my country turns out the better. Afterall, what is there to live for when all about us is in turmoil?

Much thanks for your commentary.

author comment

in fact think that it might be your birthday, but not seeing your name directly, [maybe a nick-name?] I had dismissed the thought. Anyway, a fine wish for your birthday. I hope that you get that wish; I shall wish it for you too.~ Geezer.
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Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

Dear Geezer,

Many thanks for your kind birthday wishes!

author comment

avery warm welcome to Neo
your poem is filled with image you short sentences seemed to add to the emotion emitting from your work

Our chat room is not only there for Thursday afternoon chat 3:30-4:30
but it is there and ready for all to use at anytime of day come often and hook up in conversation to those across the globe

Gracias!

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