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" I am in a mental prison
subject to my own threats
Inspect;
the crazy things my mind projects
some take pills to manage the pain
though the never get away because their labeled insane
try to stay true
But how could you,
Because instead of seeing you, people fail to see the real you
A former of the word
Perhaps god has truer conquest
I hope it comes soon
Things becoming more stressed
But don't fear me,
I need you more then ever
Always here to stay
Go ahead, try me,
I am yours forever.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Frenchf
Sun, 2013-02-17 04:34
Interesting to see what
People with unstable brains really think thank you for exploring
BlueDemon77
Sun, 2013-02-17 06:59
Certainly powerful but I hope it's a character piece
It's been a long time since I've been on that precipice and then from fighting the growth that was to naturally happen inside me while I wanted to continue the self destruction. Not a proud thought but in decades past I cut myself open performing punk shows and pro wrestling exhibitions. It all started in a play in college where I had a sword fight sequence and despite hours of training, I parried a strike right into my forehead and bled what seemed to be a gallon. I felt extremely confident and delivered my lines with all the acting talent I possess (not much, really) and the audience went nuts. I was a mercenary self-injurer in that I didn't get pleasure out of it, except for the reaction of the audience.
I also understand how it is to bleed into your poetry metaphorically. I can say your poem was extremely effective in bringing back that darker tunnel I travelled through and having concern that you navigate it successfully also.
Ron
Blue Demon77
"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."
The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath
Jayfrombk
Sun, 2013-02-17 13:54
thank you both
Very much. I am not depressed or anything, just taking that side and writing from it thats all.
Jenifer James
Sun, 2013-02-17 14:53
Hi jayfrombk
Part of being creative is part of that ability to observe others, isn't it - not to be always stuck in one's own experience. We had a debate about this in the Great Poetry Workshop. It is interesting how we can actually live in the shoes (doesn't that sound pretentious, but I hope you know what I mean?) of others - and maybe that's part of the job, to be a witness, and to be able to convey it deeper than a witness.
Jenifer Jaspa James
Jayfrombk
Thu, 2013-02-21 16:12
thanks
very much jenn!