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feelings of a new

Rose petals sit still,

Driven by the summer breeze,

Only stopping for clouds and you.

Your beauty stands still, freezing time and there after

Your love stands still.

Alone,

Never to be challenged nor minimized,

And while you never falsely advertise,

I still ask, How did i get so lucky?

I used to dream about love, and those dreams could not touch this surface.

Just to think of you, Humbles me, as you are unequaled and supassed only by God himself.

Your love is real...

Really real..

I am talking more then i can actually feel.

More then my body can take.

More then my mind can equate.

And the more I fall for you each day,

the less these words can actually relate

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I forgot to say Welcome to Neopoet and I hope that you enjoy writing here.
Your last works are about love, and a little scruffy in their presentation, have a read of some classic love poems , just Google Love poems.
This will give you a guide as to layout and content, love as Jess said is a hard thing to write about, join a workshop or two then expand into your own style, but make it a style that has form, it will then let you progress,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Love poems, they've all been written. I'm not saying
that your experience isn't worth writing about, it is !

The word "still" shows up four times in five lines,
great word but ...

The double spacing is a distraction, doesn't help the
reader know when to pause or not, use the tools of
the trade to push your reader into reading a poem the
way you do when you read it aloud.

You have some good lines in this one Jay, the trick in
poetry is to talk about self while including the reader,
damn hard to do. This poem tells, doesn't make me feel,
see what I mean.

Richard

It's true, I hate love poems. Good poems are one in a hundred, good love poems are one in ten thousand. The theme has just been worked to death.

one good line in this poem-
And while you never falsely advertise,

The rest pure cliche.
Sorry
Try another theme, or really work hard at reading the the great love poems to avoid the cliches and then incorporate some modern, even post-modern themes

One of the the great post-modern love lines ever written was
I love you madly, he said self-consciously

Understand, I and not trying to discourage, I am trying to challenge you,

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

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