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The Obnoxious Moon

Submitted by Jackweb on Thu, 2022-02-03 20:54

This murderous lonely moon
seldom shines in the noon

you have left your habitat
now sitting on our head tight

like a reckless culprit
unveiling his wit

we're not afraid, if you arise
like a lioness that slice

for we have survived the torture
of the sun set when things rupture

look at you, the obnoxious little brat
a dash light only once in awhile act

do you think we can never survive without
whether thy light shine or not we standout

© ® Onyinyechi Cosmos
2:33AM, 4/2/2022

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
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What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Triskelion

Fri, 2022-02-04 11:18

Triskelion's picture
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The moon does not always represent romance. It can be a harbinger of doom at times. It's refreshing to read unexpected ides put into poetic form!

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Jackweb

Fri, 2022-02-04 14:18

Jackweb's picture
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Thanks for reading through. Nice pointing out Trisk!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2022-02-05 10:28

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there must be a legend or proverb connected with this one. Superstition can be a powerful force in the lives of some people.
Very interesting to see something of the sort from another country. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

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