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RIDE WITH ME

Submitted by Jackweb on Wed, 2023-07-26 02:12

Would you like to ride with me,
and get your mind literary refreshed,
With lovely sweet sounds of words
that elavates your mind and soul?

Would you like to ride with me,
and catch your self a poetic fun?
Sometimes i may appear satirical
slamming those folks in power.

Would you like to ride with me,
and float around in my literary lake
I'm ready to take you round about
and make you feel my lonely steam

Would you like to ride with me,
and smell the scent of my heart?
The magical spill of my creativty
now flows with grim tidal wave!

Would you like to ride with me,
or wait till my wings spread out?
I may likely fly out of the horizon
or transcend into the utopian world.

Would you like to ride with me now,
or sit on my silence couch waiting?
My thoughts plunge into depth,
with dearing power of exploration.

Mostly, the silence of the deep blue sea,
taps me to dive into spiritual realm,
making my emotions to evaporate,
like morning dew sitting on flowers.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2023-07-26 08:12

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

It is not feasible to offer feedback.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Wed, 2023-07-26 09:53

been a while since I have commented and critiqued any of your work.
I usually don't know what kind of advice to give you. On the one hand,
I want to try and help you be better understood to most of our English-speaking community
and on the other, I don't want to wreck the wonderful feel of your own language and idioms.

In this one, I only detect a couple of stray [esses] that can be edited out, a double [e] in [appear] and an [I] that needs capitalization.
The esses are as follows: [spreads], [plunge[s]. I would also suggest that you combine your and self to make [yourself].
I find that I would enjoy a ride in your boat around the lake. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Jackweb

Fri, 2023-07-28 07:26

Thank you!

Sir, i am really the cause of these errors at this time. I didn't proofread before coping from my note. I appreciate you so much for having time to read and critique. Edited! Any more thing to edit please.

I am going through hell with severe pain in my molar. I hardly sleep at night. That's why i have not been online all this while. Hoping to return fully when i get well.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment

Lavender

Wed, 2023-07-26 11:50

Ride With Me

Hello, Jackweb,
Invigorating poetry! What lovely language that makes me love poetry all the more. "...smell the scent of my heart..." So impossible, it becomes all the more poetically possible!
Thank you!
L

Jackweb

Fri, 2023-07-28 07:19

Neopoet

RIDE WITH ME