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O P A L

the fine dream
like fire mists
a sun behind
the crystal kiss

Editing stage: 

Comments

I would wear this as a broach designed in ceramics or even consider a tattoo!

Not a word or sound out of place.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
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you can also convey
so much in so little

great words yours

normally
I look forward to the serpentine ones
as I get lost in the entwining

loved

beautiful x

loved it too

Jenifer

In so few words you convey a whole canvas of pictures

You have inspired me !!!

Oh gentle fire
That lights the mist
Kiss me in
this midnight bliss

Lol love Jc xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

"Kiss me in
a moonbeams bliss"

having travelled in that light
through forest trails
and in intercity fall wanders

There is the light that falls
radiant and full
the mysticism of its draw

thats where this comes from
and when the sun is falling
in the afternoon
and a crystalline snow is descending
the chill..the right temperature
the light refracts upward
after dusk

even I as worn with society and life
with others stops on a busy city
hill to watch this for a moment

Someone said to me today that writers
see things...

and I think she was right
but it takes someone who doesnt normally
see to read and "see" "it" that makes
the magic happen

otherwise as its been said Im just
a monkey banging away on my typewriter..

Thank You!

author comment

when I have shifted
through space and time
and I see the making
watching its birth

I shiver in the knowing
the lines all connect
and people find the end
is as beautiful
as the beginning

~

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Your work always astounds me. I can't really critique anything. The only thing that you might want to possibly consider is maybe losing the first "the" as it then gives more emphasis to the last line.

am immediately going to see if you have posted.

Must say, disagree with your crit. Consider it as an unknown Japanese form, the symmetry is perfect.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I didn't realise it was in a form. Just ignore me:p!

it wasn't a form, it was an Esker invented form. I was just saying I thought the symmetry was perfect.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I saw the sunlight in that day in winter...
there are moments each season gives to me
usually when Im in a rush and should not
notice...But I do..I know Im not alone here
we all look up watching the sky...Sitting in
coffee or a light to change...I watch flags
and clouds for weather signs...So many
moods and faces to see..to feel..

form like then...Its interpretation
of course always unless we run a banner ahead
or below in last words

Im just happy it worked and that poets find
it agreeable....I do confess I rather like Opal
very much...

Thank You!

author comment

Missed you MichelleK! and I agree...
shifting the "The" away gives the ending a kick
but then...I suspect you are a multi media
fan like I....Grahpix novella

Thank You!

author comment

ideals and goals of haiku. One breathe, one thought, one concept and emotion. Beautiful.

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