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NUZZLE

Submitted by Esker on Fri, 2016-05-20 22:35

dust clouds
tear up behind us
ten to two on the
wheel
some outrageous
music on
long coats
and dress shoes
We look like poor
gamblers and
failed molls
heart ache and
bad lives etched
in our spoiled
grins

stopping to take
on fuel and peruse
snack vending machines
on the super highway
the girls
lost their coin in the
cola dispenser and
rocked the thing
almost tipping it
over
no one questioned
their fiery temperament
matching their coiled
red hair
eyes like cats
foiled by mice
we slunked into
the old sedan
and merged
into steaming
histories of lingo
our youth
a forever
ticket
on a carnival
ride
while dusk
swarmed the
shadows of traffic
like ghosts on
corn stalk
stubble
and night
filled the interior
with the dashboards
green glow
casettes and
the vents pulled
open
in the ocean of
tail lights
stretching
forever
...

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

brittle light

Fri, 2016-05-20 23:22

brittle light's picture

this is exciting, captivating,

night filled the interior
with the dashboards
green glow...

this so captured memories of nights on the road, doing one nighters in my band days, finishing a gig, packing up, and onto the next gig; all night diners, music and music talk, and the steady hum of motion....happy!

enough of my rambling...this was really great.

Al

Esker

Fri, 2016-05-20 23:50

Esker's picture

then a trip brought it all back!
we all need our memories
jarred back..
how our poems
stories ignite the old light
within!
shinning like the headlights
for the futures we remember!!
thank U!

author comment

judyanne

Sat, 2016-05-21 03:25

judyanne's picture
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Brings back my own memories
thank you
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Esker

Tue, 2016-05-24 23:24

Esker's picture

phosphorus wakes
in dream shake us
the faces faded
like a scene pulling
back
imagination flickering
like a votive filling
in all the desire for
things too have
said or overlooked
in its passing
while we lived life
consuming the
passions

we are vestibules
of all things great
and miniscule

if the writing
finds an echo
and enlivens
memory
then my job
as a writer
has accomplished
its small meaning
in my own hectic
diversions
and drive

thank U Judy!

author comment

mand

Sat, 2016-05-21 03:53

mand's picture

mand

Sat, 2016-05-21 03:53

mand's picture

mand

Sat, 2016-05-21 03:54

mand's picture

mand

Sat, 2016-05-21 03:55

mand's picture

weirdelf

Sat, 2016-05-21 04:00

weirdelf's picture
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(though possibly accidental)
is strikingly post-modernist zen.
[giggles]

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

mand

Sat, 2016-05-21 04:16

mand's picture
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Apologies for the quadruple - now quintuple response. Every time I tried to save my response it came up error - but still posted ( without the comment - husband say's it could be the bad weather we are currently experiencing ). So here's part of my original comment:

Esker - your work is vivid and wonderfully descriptive - you truly are a word smith.

Thank you for sharing - the sights, sounds, smells of your journey down memory lane - it was a joy to read.

Love to you

Mand xxx

weirdelf

Sat, 2016-05-21 04:03

weirdelf's picture
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A question. Do you revise much during your writing process?
No intended judgement, just curious.
"eyes like cats
foiled by mice"
Is a touch of genius.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

mand

Sat, 2016-05-21 05:20

mand's picture
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Not again!

Esker

Sat, 2016-05-21 04:58

Esker's picture

love this raw responses ....all of it!
classic poetzenism

vivid...and for Elf....its just straight writing
dont have too hammer it out anymore
just pours out
a collection of memories..
the girls really did almost tip over this
cola machine...a large super station
but we were in a van..rainy night
in August....two sisters....very enigmatic
we were laughing so hard and also
amazed and fearful at the ferocity!
damned machines! we drove much
as teens....then mid twenties...
Eventually one commutes and like
the urban and country school buses
a pedestrian service mostly...
but in a car it was different...
lucky I was spoiled..or we were
the van was fun....a window
van...basic box with a shift..
stero and these fancy green
couches..very expensive from
a friends mother when she
downsized from a house to
a small apartment...like
Lime green...some kind
of uber design...window
van too..all the more
pleasant!
the girls were very attractive
large eyes..freckles..long
hair tall...they were laughing
hard too
we knew them from art
class in high school and
art college..although the
other sister was taking
some technical school
work elsewhere!
We had big north american
cars...then
and that van
it was classic!!

"must be the weather"
love it!
thank U all!

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2016-05-21 11:11

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fun! Makes one long for the days of youth and travel. Can't say enough about your word-smithing!
You hammer out the memories and pour them into my head through my eyes. Thank you, ~ Gee

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