Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

NEGATIVE PARTS OF ME

Submitted by TruTh sE3ka on Mon, 2011-01-24 13:15

Im going to burst i need to let loose
The feelings inside, now my curse
These emotions i deplore
How far must i see my self fall
before these feelings consume me
Speak there names give them a face
admit to myself these feelings are mine

Anger you break me
You make me hide
afraid of the things you make me feel inside
Tired of the hiding yet afraid of the pain
Anger you break me

Envy you disgust me
The want of whats anothers
hating what you make of me
Tired of keeping myself hidden from others
Envy you disgust me

Greed you appal me
The want of more
Take away my wants give me a free soul
Tired of the never endless yearning for all
Greed you appal me

All of these feelings i hate
yet are part of me
bubbling beneath my calm surface
how long can i contain the evil that is me

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Tue, 2011-01-25 08:47

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

not necessarily for public consumption. We all have to write them.

It's great that you have made an attempt to give it an interesting structure but, as Ian said, it needs editing.

Content wise, perhaps it is worth considering that we all have all these feelings and rather than trying to cut out a part of ourselves we should, in Jungian terms "embrace our shadow"

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.