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Nebraska

Submitted by Rhiannon1010 on Tue, 2015-09-22 12:27

An eternity of corn,
Years and miles of that golden grain wave
In a monotonous dance of sun worship.
A stationary ballet
Performed by phalanxes of aspiring cattle feed
Celebrates their hostage audience.
A brief intermission is ushered in by an errant tree
Or a wayward rodent
Unaware that they have stumbled onto the stage.
The hypnotizing dance resumes,
Instantaneously numbing the mind and blurring vision.
The heartbeat of the nation is reflected in the
Rhythmic undulations of its heartland.
Roots suck the life from soil
As dry as your eyes.
The scene sucks the life from your mind
As stagnant as the sky.
You can’t fight it, and if you do,
There are straps and four steel walls to stop you.
70 miles per hour isn’t fast enough.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Wed, 2015-09-23 21:57

Esker's picture

dont overload yer silo and cover the feeder or auger!
always remember ventilation
and watch the static in the pvc!

fantastic Poetry!! drove through the west from BC and from Seattle way..Olympic Pennisula late eighties to Spokane..Moscow Washington state and the across to Jellystone..blackhills...saw the badlands in distance..near the snake river...hoodoos we slept through...and endless miles before Ohio...saw wheat piled by the small silos and the large harvesters on the rolling plains like ships in the oceans at night....we went late summer early fall...

just spent hour reading up on equipment..
moisture content.....chute speeds are not
seventy miles an hour..
but an old car would be...
three thousand pounds meets a cylindrically
sound structure..engine blocks weigh roughly
three to four hundred only...seventy isnt
fast enough!!

your work is for me very concise and interesting
as hell....
Im enjoying reading it much!
I remember the Nebraska album
I listened too from Springsteen
making it on the six track then..
and some movies of the desolation
from the gritter elements of society
..

greatly enjoying your poetry!

thank U...

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